Out of New York
by farwalk
Summary: Alex has decided to leave New york once again. This time under her own terms. She leave Olivia behind to wait or does she?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

_Alex is off once again leaving Olivia behind once again. Will she wait?_

_The private seen after the episode Congo._

**Out of New York**

"What the hell was that?" Olivia barked has she entered in to Alex Cabot's office. "Find out from someone else." Olivia begins to pace. "Then you tell me on the courthouse steps in front of Elliot. Jesus Alex. Really, I thought this was going to be you and me forever, here!" Her pacing stops. She makes the few steps towards Alex's desk. Alex could see the fury in her eye. She did not shout back. She steadied herself behind the safety of her desk and quietly said, "I was going to tell you later at dinner."

"Later? Our whole world knows but me." Tears of anger sting her eyes. "I am supposed to know first." She raises her palm to her own chest and hits it hard. Alex starts to speak, but Olivia cuts her off. "Wait! This is typical you. You're back for a year before I know."

"Olivia, please." Alex pleaded. "I told you why I didn't come and find you. Tell you I was here." Her face dropped when Olivia still would not stand down. "I had my mother's things to get in order. Re-enter a life that I had not been a part of for four years. I just needed time."

"Time? You sure did use your time well. You got engaged, slept with Jim Steele, oh and became boss of your own team of lawyers." Olivia crossed her arms in front of her. Satisfied what she had said, she waited for the lawyer's retort.

Nothing came. Alex just sat there quietly watching the only person that she ever loved be torn apart again by her. Olivia knew, she knew that everything she did when she came back was selfish. She didn't know that Alex had gotten weekly "spy" updates from colleagues. She'd ask interns to take files to the 1-6 . 'Just drop this at Captain Cragen's office. Oh, and see if Officers Benson and Stabler are in, I'll need to call them later.' And now, now when she doesn't need to send a green sleeve to spy on her loved one, she's leaving once again. She could say nothing. She had nothing to say that would make sense of it. She just knew deep down, this was the right thing to do.

Olivia sat in the chair across from Alex's desk. Actually she plopped. She was exhausted. It was hard keeping her emotions in check when it came to Alex. She could make her so angry and feel so much passion all at the same time. And now she was in quicksand, trying to hold on to what is her world. She could not look at Alex for fear of breaking down or becoming too enraged. She looked down at her hands and asked.

"How long?"

"I don't know. About a year." Alex lied she knew she was committed to two years with a possible extension. "I can't tell you for sure." Not quite a lie she told herself.

"And I can't tell you I'll wait." Olivia felt her blood rise. "I waited four years. I don't have it in me to wait anymore." With that she rose, turned on her heels and left Alex's office. She didn't shut the door. She wanted Alex to see what it was like when someone you love walks out on you without a word of when or if they will return.

* * *

This will be my take on what will happen when Alex is gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

**Out of New York**

_Chapter 2: Scattered Shards._

The sudden rush of air into the squad room did not cause Elliot to look up. He knew it was Olivia. He knew that she was mad. What he didn't know was what she would do.

"So, did she ah give you a reason?" He said still looking at the DD5 he was scanning for the third time since the rush of adrenalin came through the door.

"Three million reasons. Literally." Olivia said throwing a copy of a Newsweek article on the Congo to him. Elliot turned the article around so he could read it better. He read it quickly looking for points of interest. Something that would make sense of why their ADA would leave them yet again. He found it, a small photo of a young girl brutally beaten and stripped naked. Left to die in the underbrush.

"Jesus." Elliot said in disbelief. "She can't be anymore than 4 years old."

"Makes our problems here seem almost digestible. Almost." Olivia said plopping down in her chair.

"Why would Cabot leave? She just got back here."

"El, we both know she didn't just get back here. She just made herself available to _us_. She's been back or years and has lived almost two lives and then decided we were worth coming back to." The words tasted like vinegar on Olivia's tongue.

"So, what are you gonna do?" He said cautiously.

"I am going to live my life. I am going to move on." Olivia said shaking her head. Her conversation with Alex played over in her mind. 'Old movie.' She said to herself.

"Good for you." Elliot said with encouragement. "You can start by signing this DD5 I just wrote on the Haslett case."

Olivia pulled out a pen from her drawer. She signed her name on the allotted spot. Just has she finished dotting the last "I"; she gave a good look to the utensil in her hand. "OLIVIA" was neatly engraved on the pen's shaft. One of the many small tokens that Alex had given her over the years prior to her first exit. Olivia smirked to herself. She handed the DD5 back to Elliot, stood up, pitched the pen in the trash can and said "Out with the old." She grabbed her jacket from the back of the chair. "See ya tomorrow, El."

"Yeah. Bye." He said watching her exit the room. He waited for her to disappear down the stairs before he dared to reach into the waste basket and retrieve the pen.

"Probably a good idea." He heard from behind him. Captain Cragen walked to the side of Elliot's desk. "Alex called. How bad is it going to be?" He asked Elliot.

'The jury hasn't even gotten the case yet, Captain. But I bet to say, this just might be the straw that breaks the Detective's strings." Elliot replied.

"Elliot, you have really got to come up with better sayings. These are so hard to make sense out of." Cragen said looking at him with a small smile. "But if it's anything like I heard in Alex's voice, we could be in for an early winter."

"Like that was much better." Elliot retorted.

_**Manhattan**_

"I really hope you know what you are doing." Serena said from Alex's couch.

"Serena, for the first time in a long time I feel that I have found my footing." Alex placed another leather bound law book into the moving box.

"I thought you found that when you and Olivia reconnected." Serena said puzzled.

"I did. I found my footing in my personnel life, but not my work life." Alex motioned for Serena to hold the flaps of the box while she taped it closed.

"Wow. I remember sitting on this very couch and you were spilling your guts about Jim, your sham engagement and your true feelings for Olivia." Serena paused. "I believe your very words were 'she is my one true love and I can't go any longer without her.'" Serena looked sternly into her friend's blue eyes. She saw a sadness there she had missed before.

"She said she would not wait this time." Alex sighed.

"And right she shouldn't." Serena saw the blue eyes grow larger in disbelief. "She waited for you to come back from WITSEC; she waited for you to finally show that you still had feelings for her. How much pining does one person have to do for you before you finally believe and commit?"

"Your one to talk." Alex shouted. She stood up and walked over to the book shelves. She began pulling books off the shelves.

"That's a load of crap." Serena said taking the books has Alex pulled them down and then placing them into another box. "I didn't ask for Samantha to stalk me. We dated, we fought, we made up and then it got old." Alex smiled down on her friend from her upper perch. "What? We were not meant to be forever. You and Olivia," Serena pointed at Alex with the book she held in her hand. Alex was reaching for another book when her hand caught a piece of paper. "You two are a forever." Serena finished. Her words were lost on Alex. Alex was reading the contents of the folded note she found between the books.

'Dear Most Wonderful Person on the Earth,

I Love you. I put this note in this spot so that you will

have something to read from me. I am not poetic

I am sometimes pathetic

In the way I stare and gaze at you.

I can't help it

Your just so beautiful and bring me so much joy.

I will love you forever, forever more.

Your Humble Civil Servant, Olivia'

Her hands shook has she held the note. The paper was quickly becoming transparent. Serena stepped on the lower wrung of the ladder. She reached up and gently touched Alex's hand. Alex would not let go of the paper. Serena guided her down the ladder over to the couch. Sitting next to her, Serena reached out and wrapped her arms around Alex and let her sobs dampen her shoulder. She did not try to read the note. She knew it was from Olivia. No one made her cry more than Olivia. Mostly in good tears. Mostly because she had gone and done something wonderful.

"Alex. You knew this would be hard. Do you want to rethink this assignment?" Serena secretly had her fingers crossed behind Alex's shoulder.

"Hard yes." She replied between sobs. "Terrifying yes because of the place. I just am not prepared to break my own heart." She buried her head deeper into Serena's shoulder and cried harder.

Neither woman heard the sound of the boxes being placed just outside the front door. Nor did they hear Olivia sigh and turn to walk back down the hall to the elevator.

* * *

So any thoughts on what they should do next?


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**Out of New York**

Chapter 3: Lion's heart

"Liv, Elliot my office NOW." Cregan barked from his office. The pair rose in unison. Olivia smoothed out her shirt and Elliott his tie. Elliot entered first. Olivia took note of this. 'He always enters first. Takes the first pick of the donuts and choice seat at the front of the Captain's desk. Maybe he does it to take the heat first. Assess the aura of the room. '

"Benson. You with us?" Cragen shouted grabbing her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, Captain, sorry." She said while taking her seat.

"Good. Now you two have been temporarily reassigned." He said without looking at them. He steadied himself for the on slot of protests.

* * *

Munch used two sharp knuckle taps on the open door.

"Come in." Alex said not looking up from her paperwork.

"Aah, just has expected. The beautiful, verbally talented and over worked ADA is still at her desk." Munch said entering the room and sitting uninvited at the chair across from Alex.

"Munch. I would say how nice it is to see you, but at this time," Alex swept her hand over her desk. "I am up to my elbows in briefs that I have to have ready to hand off to the next ADA by..." She stopped and looked at her watch. "By six tonight." She looked at him with desperate hope that he would just leave the room. But she knew that with Munch that was not possible.

"That's okay. What I have to say will not take long." Alex put down her pen in defeat. She would give him all of her attention for these few minutes and then hope she can get her things done before the dead line. Satisfied he had her full attention, Munch carefully adjusted the crease on his trousers, crossed his legs and then adjusted the crease again. "My dear counselor, how long have we known each other?"

Alex shrugged. "Eight years I believe." She said.

"Eight years, thirteen days and ten hours give or take a minute. And in that time when have I ever not given you a good slice of advice?"

"You have been a good shoulder at times. With and without being asked." She was warming to his presences.

"So, right now when you are about to depart us for the great unknown I have something that I want to tell you."

* * *

"What the hell!" Olivia exclaimed. "I am not going to work with that bunch of suits." She could hear Elliot chuckling over her shoulder. She was standing in full forced anger in front of Cregan now. The distance between them was respectable, but he could feel her anger radiant.

"Olivia it's only temporary. We have a slow caseload right now. Thank God." Cregan was not in the mood for groveling.

" You get to have the big badge back and all the clout that goes with it." Elliot said. He wasn't prepared for the flying tape dispenser that flew through the room right at his head. He moved just in time and watched it smack against the window frame and crash to the floor.

"That's enough!" Cregan said. "This is a direct order Olivia. I can't change it. It comes from above my head."

"Fine. Where do I go?" Olivia said with crossed arms trying to contain herself. Cragen picked up a white envelope and handed it to Olivia. Not waiting for her discovery, he then turned his sights on Elliot.

"You have been assigned to the academy." He smiled at the relaying of this information. He knew that this detective would hate this assignment and he was happy to give it to him. Elliot needed some "pegs knocked down."

"Great. She gets the big boys and I get the babies." Elliot rose from his chair and took the file from the captain.

"You're good with kids, Elliot" Olivia said with a reassuring smile.

"My own." He barked opening the folder.

"One of them is." Cragen said pointing to the list inside the folder.

* * *

"So you see Alex, you taking this job is a way for you to make things better elsewhere, but it makes things dormant here." Munch began to lean in for effect. "She won't wait forever. And I won't be the reporter I was for the three years after you came back."

"You approached me!" Alex said eyes wide with furry. "You told me each and every time I saw you what was going on. Hell, I even think you waited outside of the courtroom just so you could tell me."

"Not true and you know it. I simply ran into you on occasion or you 'accidently' called my cell and made small talk. Which turned into Olivia talk." He stopped and looked at Alex. Assessing her body language. He had her on edge, just where they agreed she needed to be if any sense was going to be knocked into her. He stood up and walked to the edge of her desk, he placed his hand on hers. "Alex. It took a long time for you to build the courage to even tell her you were back. What will happen the next time you return?"

"I don't expect to be gone forever." Alex said taking a deep defeated breath.

"You didn't the last time either." He sensed her tensing. "But what finally did happen when you finally showed your face and told her you were back?"

"Well, let's see. There was a murder and we had to work that together. And then when it was over there was this great fight and…" She began to relive the whole event again.

* * *

"_This seat taken?" Alex asked while seating without waiting on the answer. Olivia did not bother to look in her direction, nor did she look in the mirror above the bar. She knew who it was. She knew the moment she entered the bar. The hairs on her neck stood up like they always did when Alex was near. The ache in her heart had only been there since October 1, 2003. Six years. Six celibate years. Olivia stood and moved to another bar stool. _

_Alex stood and moved to the stool on the other side of Olivia. Olivia went to stand up again, Alex grabbed her arm. Olivia looked at Alex's hand on her forearm. Alex was not intimidated by Olivia's glare. "Please sit down." She said with her hand still on Olivia. Olivia grabbed her beer with her free hand and nodded her head towards the booth in the back. Alex stood and headed to the booth. Olivia held up two fingers to the bartender and headed that way herself._

"_You have until I finish my two beers." Olivia said polishing off the one she brought with her. She handed it to the barmaid and grabbed the two new ones. "Water, please. Evian." Alex told the barmaid. "I see you haven't changed your beer. Modelo Negro." Alex picked up the unattended bottle. Olivia took a long swig of the other. "Guess that makes me a bit more predictable then you." _

"_Not exactly. It means the Olivia I love is still in there." Alex pointed to Olivia's left side of her chest. _

"_I never left!" Olivia said curtly. "You on the other hand, have left on SO many levels. And I am sure you even left yourself." Another long swig. She wiggled the near empty bottle to show Alex that time was passing._

"_I did. And when I returned I had to find myself again." Alex smiled politely at the barmaid has she put the bottle of Evian on the table. Olivia held up one finger halting the barmaid's retreat. She too one last gulp of the bottle and handed it to her. _

"_Shall I get you another?" She asked._

"_I'll let you know, Stacie." Olivia said with a wink. It wasn't lost on neither Alex nor the barmaid. Stacie shook her head slightly has she walked away._

"_Continue." Olivia said._

"_Let me just get it all out there." Alex took a deep breath, closed her eyes and began. " Yes, I was engaged for about five minutes. Yes, I had an affair with Jim Steele and yes, I am no longer involved with either man." She opened her eyes and looked at Olivia who was just carefully peeling the label from her beer bottle. "I couldn't keep living in that lie. I had to come to terms with the fact that I could not change the past. It wouldn't bring back the three years I was gone. It wouldn't erase that night in October. I just couldn't get my life back to zero."_

_You could almost hear Olivia's neck crack she turned it so fast. "Back to zero. What the hell are you talking about? Are you saying you wanted to erase all about us?" She looked for a response, but did not wait. "Well let me hold the Big Pink for you." She tapped her head with her fist and then opened her fingers as to make a magician's disappearing jester. "See gone. We're just two people that work in law enforcement. And…" She raised her beer to her lips and drank it in one long gulp. "Now our bonding time has ended. She stood and took a twenty out of her pocket and left it on the booth and a stunned Alex in her wake._

_

* * *

_

"I have no idea why she decided to join the force." Elliot shouted into the receiver. "I thought you would know. She never talks to me and well you are her mother."

Olivia listened has she packed up her desk. Cragen didn't give her a time frame of when she would return. All he said was "On loan for a bit of time."

"Yeah, yeah. Well when you do reach her tell her to call me. I love you too." Elliot hung up the phone. "Jeeze can you believe that? Kathy didn't even know."

"Well she is 22 years old. She really doesn't have to ask your permission." Olivia said pulling open the bottom drawer of her desk. She pulled out a few old note pads and a binder. There it was, that funny strip of photos they had taken on their trip to Coney Island. She picked it up, gave it another long look and placed it in the trashcan. She shut the drawer with a bit too much force.

"Hey! Didn't you hear what I said?" Elliot yelped.

"What. Ah sorry." She said reaching for her nameplate. She placed it gently in the box and closed the lid. She walked over to Elliot and gave him a quick hug.

"What should I say to Maureen about not joining the force?"

"Nothing. It's a great job." With that Olivia lifted the box from her desk and walked towards the squad room door. "Just don't let her fall for any ADA's." She shouted over her shoulder.

"Don't forget about the little people. And Hey…" He waited for her to turn around again. She did. "Come back. Come back in one piece." She gave him the thumbs up and headed down the stairs. She passed Fin on the way down.

"Hey." He said.

"Hey." She said continuing her descend. He watched her for a moment and then continued up stairs. 'What's with that?" He asked Elliot.

"Awh, she's gone." Elliot said matter of factly.

"Gone!" Fin turned and Elliot stood straight up at the sound of the loud voice coming from the squad room door. Munch caught her before she hit the floor.

* * *

Editor's note: "Big Pink" is the name of an eraser. Everyone knows that but I just thought just in case.

Where is Olivia headed? Will Alex still leave? Will Elliot still fit in his dress blues? Will Munch finally get rid of his adjust-a-light lenses and get some cool Oakley shades? Will Fin wipe that scraggly stuff off his chin?


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

CHAPTER 4: FIRST LAP

She locked her apartment door behind him. She couldn't move. Leaning her head against the cool wooden door, Alex began to doubt herself. She hadn't felt that way since her first days in WITSEC. Alone, desperate for a familiar voice, sight anything. Just not complete silence and emptiness.

"Once again you have done it to yourself. When will you learn?" She told herself out loud. She shook her head no and felt the inlays from the door begin to crease her forehead. Turning around she was quickly reminded how barren her home was now. Boxes neatly stacked along the living room wall. Her couch the only piece of furniture left in the room. No pictures on the wall or tokens on shelves. Just an empty room filled with memories and ghosts. She laid down on the couch and allowed the pity to flow through her.

* * *

"So if you could, please check my apartment from time to time." Olivia held out her key to her neighbor, Jason Hearde.

"Do you need me to get your mail too?" Jason asked trying to suppress his enthusiasm. Finally he got to say more then a 'Hello' to his gorgeous neighbor.

"No, I am having it held and will have it forwarded to my new address." Olivia said matter of factly. She was already done with this conversation, but he was doing her a favor. "There really is not much to look after. A couple of plants and check to make sure the fridge and the water are still operating. That's about it."

"Okay." He replied. "How long will you be gone?"

"I'm not sure, but I'll keep in touch to see what's going on." She was really ready to go now.

"Can I call you?" He was showing his desperation to continue the conversation. "I mean in case something goes wrong?"

"Tell you what, when I get to DC, I will call you with my contact number and then you will have it. Okay?" She smiled. "I really appreciate this Jason."

"Hey no problem. Looking forward to your return." Olivia smiled and turned towards her own door, unlocking it and entering before he can say anything else. He watched her enter her apartment, looked at the key she had placed in his hand, clutched it tightly and smiled. She watched him from the peephole.

"Oh brother. I should have asked Elliot." She pushed herself from the door and headed towards the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she pulled out a beer, some cheese, a tomato and a red onion. She grabbed the bread from on top of the cabinet and a frying pan from the hanging rack. She placed the pan on the stove and light the burner. Next, she carefully sliced the cheese into long, thin slices. Next the tomato and lastly the onion placing each on the bread in nice neat stacks. She had learned from Alex that cutting the onion last was the right thing to do.

"_Keeps the onion taste from taking over everything." Alex said. They were hungry. It was late. Ten hours of work and still not much progress on the day. They had decided to leave the precinct and collaborate over dinner. Unfortunately it was 11:00 and all the restaurants had closed for the night. They settled for potluck at Olivia's apartment. _

"_I have never seen someone with so many varieties of cheese and.." Alex picked up a few cartons and opened them. She gave a disgusted look at the content. "Mushu Pork?"_

"_Yeah. I get a taste for something and I just have to have it all the time." Olivia said flipping the grilled cheese sandwich on a plate. She handed it to Alex. "I do have beer in there too."_

"_Yep about six different tastes." Alex reached in and grabbed an Amber Boc. "Napkins, silverware and chips?"_

"_On the table, the drawer to the left and in the pantry." She flipped her own sandwich on a plate and cut it in half with the spatula. She opened the fridge and reached all the way in the back. Behind the Chinese food cartons, mayo jar and grabbed her beer. Alex just exited the pantry when Olivia stood up. _

"_Modelo Negro. Wow I didn't see that in there." _

"_It's all I drink, so I hide it from company." Olivia said prying off the cap. _

"_So you don't like to share?" Alex said with a slight pout._

"_Not my beer, not my lunch and not my girl friend." Olivia said matter of factly. She waited to see Alex's reaction. Alex turned and headed towards the kitchen table. She took the seat near the window. Olivia sat across from her watching. Alex took a small bite of her sandwich and then another. She put it down, took a long, slow sip of her beer._

"_I get the lunch and the girlfriend, but the beer, now that's cold." She smiled. Olivia laughed choking a little on her beer. _

"_So, I may share my lunch with the right person, but my beer now that will have to take a commitment." Olivia said still holding her beer in her hand. _

_Alex reached across the table and stoled a chip off of Olivia's plate. _

"_So, I guess that answers a few questions." Olivia said. "Wanna bite of my sandwich?"_

_

* * *

_

She opened the trashcan and threw the now carbon form sandwich in it. She left the frying pan in the sink and headed for her bedroom. She stopped at the door. She hadn't slept in her bed since Alex decided to leave. She really didn't have the strength to lie down and relive all of those memories. With a deep sigh she walked across the room to her closet. She pulled her suitcase down from the top shelf and began filling it with her things. Shirts, sweaters, pants she just throw whatever her hand touched. Until she reached it. The little black dress that Alex always kept in her closet.

"_Just in case." _ Alex said when she hung it there.

"I don't think she'll need it in the Congo." Olivia said moving it to the side so she could reach her winter coat. She chuckled at the irony of it.

* * *

"_BUUUUUZZZZ. BUZZZZZZZ." _

"What the heck!" Alex said half asleep.

"_BUUUUUUZZZZ. BUUUUZZZ."_

One eye open she looked at the clock above the mantle. "SHIT!" She said leaping from the couch. She had spent the night on the couch it was now 6 am. She ran over to the intercom.

"Yes, I am running a little late. I'll be done is 30 minutes." She began taking off the last night's clothes.

"No problem. I'll wait in the car, Mam." The drive said thankfully. He had a hot cup of coffee and the Times to get through.

Alex frantically raced around the apartment. She turned the shower on and while waiting for it to warm; she began collecting the last minute things she had intended on putting in her suitcase the night before. A few toiletries, extra pair of 'comfortable' heels, she grabbed the frame from her side of the bed. It was her favorite photo. The two of them at the Trevi Fountain. The best trip of her life.

"What the hell am I doing?" Se said still holding the frame. She traced the outline of Olivia's face. "The best of my life and I'm leaving. Abbie is right I am an idiot." She placed the photo in her briefcase instead. Closing her suitcase she glanced at her watch and scurried to the shower.

In out and ready in 15 minutes she told herself looking in the mirror. Grabbing her suitcase and briefcase she rushed to the door, afraid she would stop and not go on this adventure. One last look and she was gone.

* * *

"_Jet Blue_ _flight 305 to Washington Dulles is ready for boarding at gate 17. All ticketed passengers should be on board now." _

Olivia ran to the ticket counter flashed her badge, weapon and walked down the gateway to the plane. She ignored the looks she was getting from already seated passengers. Seat 8B, the aisle. She sat, seat belted and then placed her backpack under the seat. She waited until the plane pulled away before falling asleep.

* * *

Alex checked her watch for the 15th time since she boarded the plane. She hated commuter flights. There is never a first class section. She at least got the window seat. Less closterphobic.

"You know looking at your watch every 5 seconds will not make the plane go any faster." The handsome gentleman said next to her. "Hate flying?"

"No I hate flying coach." She said. They both had a laugh. A little loud for the quiet plane.

"Sam Herrington." He introduced himself.

"Alex Cabot." She replied.

* * *

Olivia stirred. She opened her eyes for a moment. "Now I am imagining things." She adjusted herself once again in her seat and fell back asleep.

* * *

The flight was short. Too short for Sam. He was enjoying the beautiful blonde next to him and talking about anything but shop. Alex was happy to have someone to talk to that didn't ask too many questions nor tried to hit on her. He had three kids and was devoted to his partner. Has they gathered their things; Sam reached in his pocket and pulled out his business card.

"Here. This is a confusing town. If you need anything, just call." Alex took the card.

"State Department." She said under her breath.

"Well we are on the same team." She told him. "So I guess I'll see you around the office."

"Yeah. Sounds great." He let her in front of him and they waited to walked towards the planes exit.

* * *

Olivia sat in her seat. Trying to get the fuzzy brain in gear. She heard it again. Turning around in her seat, she spotted a blonde speaking to a good -looking guy. Her blonde. She knew every last curl and curve. She just froze in disbelief.

"Miss?" The gentleman who sat next to her on the plane said softly in her ear.

"Huh? What?" she said pulling herself out of the trance. She saw the isle had opened and the remaining passengers were waiting for her to stand and get in line to disembark. "Sorry." She said standing. Her old seatmate climbed out behind her. The line came to a halt while the gate manager helped an elderly passenger to an awaiting wheelchair.

"Did you see a ghost?" He seat mate said just over her shoulder.

"If you only knew." She said taking the final step off the plane. She rushed from the gate. Determined not to have Alex see her. She wanted no part of the blonde. Olivia took her phone from her hip, turned it on and impatiently waited for the phone to come alive. She dialed just has she hit the door. A blast of warm air hit her in the face, yet she felt cold.

"Where are you?" She barked.

"Just com'n round the bend one more time. You know they don't let you wait by the curb." Abbie said entering the "passenger pick up" area. "I see ya."

Abbie pulled up just as Alex reached the sliding doors to the outside. She was distracted looking for the prearranged car that was to take her to her new job.

Olivia and Abbie arrived at the back of the car. Olivia placed her luggage in the already opened trunk and shut if firmly.

Alex looked in the direction of the loud bang. What she saw was unexpected. The air was sucked from her lungs, she was frozen.

* * *

With Angie's new show starting in the US, I had to throw Abbie in there. She always made a good pause for Olivia.


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

CHAPTER 5: Blown flip flop.

"Well if you keep doing that, we may never get our work done." Abbey said smiling to Olivia who again was kissing her neck in between rubs.

"Can't help it. It calls to me." She said burring her head once again in the brunette's hair.

"Honestly Olivia. What has gotten in to you?" Abbie moved so that she was no longer centered under the brunette's touch. "Even when we _were_ together, you were never like this."

"I have found the error of my ways. You're the one I made the mistake with and now I want to correct that." Olivia spun Abbie's chair around, their faces were just inches apart.

"You are a persuasive one." Abbey said in her signature hushed sexy voice. Olivia leaned in for a kiss, Abbey quickly spun her chair back around and was once again reviewing the file in front of her. Olivia stood dumbfound.

* * *

The sandwich was stale. The conversation much worse. Alex took small polite bits of the turkey and Swiss cardboard lunch while listening to her male lead council went on about his trips to India and Saudi Arabia.

"So the administration decided they wanted to see if they could legally force the Saudi's into lifting their strong hold on the oil. Well, since I worked for Zapata Oil in the early 80's…"

'1880's." she said to herself. Sean Gallagher might be a big ego, but he was her ticket to the top. So suffer she would just to get the inside track on the next cases involving Africa.

"Well, I think I will go and get another diet coke." Sean stood on his overly puffed peg like legs. To anyone that ever met him just by phone, they would think of him has a large man. His voice was deep and commanding, but gentle.

"I'll see you inside." Alex reply looking forward to the solace. She hadn't had a moment to herself since she arrived in DC. And frankly she had been thankful. The image of Olivia kissing Abbie was still very raw. She looked helplessly at her lunch and throws it in the trashcan next to her bench. She leaned back and stretched her legs out in front of her and looked up at the sky. The sun was bright and she closed her eyes. She let her mind drift to another time and another place.

Suddenly the sun stopped shinning on her face. It startled her.

"I didn't mean to scare you." Sam Herrington said Leaning over her from the back of the bench.

"Well not with that smile." Alex replied return the smile. Their faces a few inches from one another. "So are you just going to stand there?"

Sam began to walk to the front of the bench. "I am sorry but no. I was headed to the Court and saw you lounging out here."

"I am not lounging. I just spent my whole…" Alex looked at her watch. "Shoot. My whole lunch break talking about my wonderful boss's trips courtesy of the US citizens."

"Brown nosing then." Sam said offering his hand to help Alex to her feet. She reached for her brief case and then took his hand. She tucked her hand into the crook of his arm. "Well I guess I will escort you. I have a two o'clock with justice Ginsburg."

"Oh. What did you do?" Sam said has they began walking.

"It's not what I did. She was quite a lawyer in her day. She did some things pertaining to crimes against women in the US and I am hoping that she will help me with her knowledge before I leave for Africa."

"Sounds smart. You also might want to check with General Rounsley at the Pentagon. She was assigned to the special UN forces during the Somalia slotters. She can give quite a picture."

"Thanks. I can use all the help I can get. Here's our stop." Alex said looking up the long stairs that lead to the Court.

"Yes, well I have to make a quick stop across the street at the deli. Justice Sotomayor's gate keeper loves their chocolate and peanut butter chip cookies."

Sam gave Alex a quick peck on the cheek. "You really must come over soon. Darrell's dying to meet you."

"Sure just let me know and I will be there." Alex said has she turned and headed up the stairs.

"Saturday at 7." Sam yelled cupping his hand to his mouth so she could hear him.

"It's a date!" Alex yelled over her shoulder. A broad smile came over her face. "Finally something to do but read brief's and eat take out."

Olivia continued her descend down the Court stairs. Her head was pounding. Her heart once again broke into little pieces. "Wow." She said has she pasted Alex on the steps. Passing, but they were twenty feet apart. "Men. I guess I know now why it was so easy." She jammed her hands in her pocket and walked back towards the State Department.

* * *

"What did you expect?" Abbie said shoveling another bite of sushi in her mouth. "You made it clear to her at the airport.." Abbie chewed her eel and took a quick drink of Michelob. "Didn't she date some guy when she came back for WITSEC?"

"Yea. She was even engaged to him." Olivia struggled with her chopsticks. She really was not in the mood to eat. Grabbing her beer she took a long swig finishing off the cold liquid. Putting her beer down, she signaled the chef for another one.

"What stopped her?" Abbie knew the answer. Alex had told her. She wanted to hear Olivia's take on the events.

"What's to say? She went home one night, I followed her. I stopped her at the elevator. She was shock at first, but then she was relieved. She never went upstairs that night. She and I went to dinner then to my place. End of story end of enstrangement." She placed the new beer to her lips and took a long sip.

"Slow down there Liv." Abbie said placing her hand on Olivia's raised arm. The pair looked at each other for a long moment. Olivia broke the stare with a smile.

"Guess I am not over this has I like to pretend."

"Liv it's only been two weeks. Give it some time."

"Time is what I have spent for the last four years of my life." Olivia was growing tired of the conversation. All she wanted to do was drowned in her beer.

* * *

Well. Hope you like this chapter. Next one not too far behind.


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

**CHAPTER 6: Toy Soldiers**

" So, I couldn't talk her out of it, but she's doing well so far." Elliot was walking around his office at the academy. "Before you ask, Maureen is not getting special treatment nor is she getting a tough time. All is smooth. "

"And the rest of the "newbees", are they playing nice?" Olivia was shaking her last beer to see if it had anything left. No success. She rose from her couch and went to the kitchen.

"Well let's just say its hard not to know she's my daughter." Elliott pulled another grape from the fruit bowl Kathy made him keep on his desk. He needed to lose a few pounds and since he was going to be away from the squad room lunch runs, Kathy thought she should take advantage of that opportunity.

"Bull headedness then?" Olivia said with a laugh.

"No, well yes. That and she is a heck of a shot." He separated the slats on the government grade shade that hung from his window. He looked out over the obstacle course. He began watching the lone recruit running through the course, over the wall and through the tire run. "I got one recruit that just might make it." Elliot said still watching the rookie run through the course.

"Yeah? Serious or uniform only?" Olivia said leaning back into her couch. She pinched the bridge of her nose. She now had a headache.

"Serious enough that I recommending them for the fast track." Elliot said turning from the window. He squeezed his eye together to rid them of the bright dots he was now seeing from looking out the window.

"They must be something if you recommend them." Olivia had her palm resting against her forehead. The pressure only lessened the pain slightly. "Listen, I gotta go. I have an early start in the morning. "

"Okay sure. Are you coming back anytime soon?" Elliot had his fingers crossed. "Kathy and the kids would love to see ya."

"And you?" Olivia was ready to return.

"Of course. But Munch well he's distraught I hear." Elliot gave a chuckle. Olivia did as well. "Miss ya partner."

"Miss you too, El." Olivia closed the phone. She held it for just a moment longer and then placed it on the table. She turned her body to lie down on the couch. Her head was throbbing.

"That will teach me to drink a six pack after running." She said. "Just lay here for a minute and then I'll…" She let out a yawn. Closing her eyes, she was asleep in just a few seconds.

* * *

The laughter of children trickled in through the open patio door. Alex smiled has she watched the two toddlers race up and down their slide.

"Here." Sam said handing her a glass of iced tea.

"They're adorable." Alex said not taking her eye off of the pair. "You're so lucky to have them."

"You ever think about having any yourself?" Darrell said sitting next to Sam on the couch. He popped a cracker full of cheese on top.

"Yes I have. Not too long ago." Alex said starting to feel melancholy.

"What stopped you?" Darrell asked.

"Darrell, stop prying." Sam said giving his partner a gentle slap on the wrist.

"I wouldn't be a good reporter if I didn't ask questions." He turned to Alex. "Well?"

"Well let's see. I was in witness protection for four years. I returned got engaged. Broke my engagement. Reunited with my soul mate and then I took a job with the State Department." Alex stopped to ponder. She turned away from the door. "Yep that about sums it up."

"Well I knew all of that. Why did you leave her?" Darrell said.

"How did you know?" Alex asked with a smile. She sat down on the ottoman facing the window. She could still see the boys playing.

"A good reporter never reveals his sources." Darrell teased.

"Her?" Sam said dumbfounded.

"Her." The other two said in unison.

"His gaydar is really bad. Took him 30 years to figure out he was." Darrell said patting Sam on the knee. Alex let out a small chuckle.

" Olivia Benson. She's the detective in my squad. I fell for her the first day I joined the team. It was easy. " Alex looked down at the glass in her hand. She rested it on her palm, trying to collect the condensation has it trickled down the glass. "She's beautiful, intelligent, strong, loving. My perfect mate."

"So why did you leave her?" Sam said leaning forward in his seat. He felt Alex's mood change.

"This opportunity came up and it couldn't pass it up. It a once in a lifetime."

"Bullshit!" Darrell said.

"It doesn't matter anyways. She's moved on." Alex fought to hold back tears.

"Already? It's been six weeks." Sam said standing and handing Alex a napkin.

"Thank you." She said taking it and dabbing her left eye. A tear escaped and landed on her lap. She watched the wet stain grow has it was absorbed into the fabric.

"She's been assigned here as well. Well let's just say her ex-girlfriend got her assigned to here special task group."

"Who is she?" Darrell asked.

"Which one?" Alex replied softly.

"The ex-girlfriend. Who is she and where does she work?"

"Abbie Carmichael. She works in the State Department. Why?" Alex looked up and saw Sam and Darrell exchange worried glances. "What?"

"Abbie Carmichael is well second in command at the State Department. If there is such a thing." Sam said taking his seat next to Darrell again. "Secretary Clinton took a liking to her when she lobbied the then senator for more funding to aid the New Orleans Katrina crime trials, while at the same time helping her disguise the bill with a New Orleans schools aid program."

"Well, Abbie is a crafty one. But second in command? Isn't your ranking higher, Sam?"

'Yes and no. I might have the rank and the sword, but Abbie has the direction on which way I should swing it." Sam took a quick drink of his tea. Darrell got up and headed to the kitchen.

"Wow. That's pretty, well." Ale searched for just the right word. She didn't want to offend Sam, but she didn't want to sound praising of Abbie.

"Well what?" Darrell asked returning to the living room with a bottle of wine and three glasses. The wine was opened and one glass had already been used. Setting down two of the glasses, he poured Alex a glass. "Ballsy? Unrealistic? Crazy?" He handed the now full glass to Alex. "Pick one honey they all fit."

"I was going to say, impressive." Alex gave the wine a quick sniff and took a well-deserved sip.

"Her rise was quick. But lets face it. With that smile and that Texas accent, it almost makes you appreciate Bush country." Sam said wiggling his glass in front of Darrell hoping he would pour him a glass.

"Bite your tongue." Darrell said handing him the bottle to pour his own.

"She is beautiful." Alex said tipping her glass has if to toast before taking another sip.

"Yeah, but she's up to her ass in alligators now." Sam said finally getting to take a sip of the '04 Frog's Leap. He closed his eyes has he savored the warm liquid on his pallet. Taking a deep breath he swallowed slowly. Alex gave his a funny look and a little giggle.

"He does that with every bottle. It can be quite distracting in a restaurant."

"What do you mean about Abbie. Is she in trouble?" Alex had the sound of concern.

'Oh far from it at the moment. She and her covert team are investigating something at the Senate level. No one is quite sure what it is, but speculation is military funds were misappropriated and perhaps a constitutional law was trampled." Sam said has he stood up. He went to the patio door and called the boys to come inside.

Each boy came running in the house stopping to hug his dad's leg. The twins, Trevor and Tristan, were identical. At times even their fathers' couldn't tell them apart. When they were little, Darrell would cut Trevor's hair slightly shorter then Tristan's. But inevitably it would grow and they would be at a loss who was who.

"Daddy can we have our dinner now?" Tristan asked.

"Yes. I think Daddy D has gotten it already for you in the kitchen. Sam looked at Darrell for verification. Darrell shook his head yes and headed for the kitchen. "Come on boys, let's see what the cook has grumbled up for vittles tonight!" With that Darrell and the boys were off in the other room.

Sam returned to the couch, but this time he sat closer to Alex and leaned forward in his seat. He began to speak in a whisper.

"What I am about to tell you is classified. Some is mere speculation, some is fact. But it must never be discussed outside of this house. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Alex said Herself whispering.

"Abbie and her team are reviewing the military's budget. They were given a tip by a Pentagon insider that funds for the Afghanistan war were being funneled to the missionaries in Africa to help fight the genocide in Darfur."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Not really. With not enough money going to support the troops in aAghanistan, the Army is forced to buy inferior amour for the soldiers. They can only afford half of the issued vests and body amour to be made of Kevlar."

"And the other half?" Alex was shocked.

"The other half is made of woven recycled plastics with a hard cured epoxy on top. It will stop a small caliber bullet, but not shrapnel coming at you at 30 miles an hour at close range."

"So basically they are wearing car bumpers." Alex leaned back in her seat. She took a moment to let all the information to sink in. "So what makes this so dangerous?"

"First, the military is involved. Second, the Ways and Means committee is as well."

"And that is the most powerful committee in the Senate." Alex finished Sam's speech.

"Now you know."

"How many others know? How do you know?"

"Only her team, myself and two others."

"The Under Secretary of State and Secretary Clinton." Alex again finished his sentence.

"You're a smart one." Sam said. "If you care about Olivia, you'll get her out of here." Sam reached for her hand. "This all might seem glamorous, but it's actually dangerous place to be. All this power in one place."

"And no one person can control it." Alex felt her heart pounding. She knew what she had to do, but would Olivia be willing to listen.

* * *

This will be the last one for a few days. I have to end one of the other ones and add more to the another. Enjoy.


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

CHAPTER 7: **A Foot IN THE MOUTH IS WORTH…**

Alex struggled to focus on her case file. It's contents a bit nauseating for a first in the morning read. The photos were graphic of a 4-year-old girl brutally circumcised. Left to bleed out while flies and maggot infested her private area. Alex held the photo in her hand. It was a haunting reminder of how little life is regarded. She could feel the anger begin to creep through her body.

She didn't hear the door open. She didn't see Abbie standing at the chairs in front of her desk until Abbie spoke.

"Must be a great photo for you to be that moved." Abbie said with her Texas smirk.

"Well, ugh. See for yourself." Alex placed the photo on her desk in front of Abbie. Alex leaned back in her chair. She took a deep breath and then gave Abbie an eye assessment. Still beautiful, still athletic and still hell bent. In a nice way.

"So much for human kindness." Abbie picked the photo up and placed it back in front of Alex.

"To what do I owe this visit?" Alex asked coldly.

"I think you know. " Abbie said taking a seat in the chair facing Alex.

"It could be several things. So let me ask personnel or work?" Alex watched Abbie's face closely. She watched has Abbie's eyes got darker. 'Personnel.' Alex said to herself.

"Olivia is well a fantastic woman. She is a great cop and is indispensible to me in this investigation." Abbie realized she was starting to sound like a lost puppy.

"Well, its sounds like she is just the right person for you." Alex felt the anger rise in her again.

"Wrong reason. Wrong person. Alex, she loves you. She's very confused and needs to hear from you what happens."

"She was pretty sure about the two of you at the airport." Alex said curtly. "She nor you had any reservations."

"Alex, she knew you were there. She wanted to hurt you. Childish I know. But you. You were, you are her world." Abbie listened to her own words. She was not as heartbroken as she thought she would be. She gave herself an internal pat on the back.

"Her world is still very closed off to me. Things haven't been the same since I got back. I haven't been able to get a grip on what I really want." Alex struggled not to give Abbie any more information. She did not want her words to come back and haunt her.

"What you really want! Wow Alex." Abbie leaned forward in her chair. The force of her movement caused Alex to sit up straighter. "You are screwed up. All I heard while you were gone was about you and her getting back together."

"We are," Alex closed her eyes in correction. "We were together. I Love her and always will. But…" She turned her head to gather her thoughts. "Why do you care any way? You have her now."

"This is your problem. You are so closed off you can't hear or see what is being presented to you." Abbie's eyes narrowed. She was trying her best not to grab Alex by the neck. "How are you a good lawyer? "

"I must be good if the State Department would hire me!" Alex shouted back in defense.

"I know." Abbie took a deep breath. She was trying to calm herself. "She loves you. Don't let her leave without telling her how you really feel."

"I am not sure I can." Alex took a second to understand what Abbie had said. "Leave? Is her time up with the department?"

"No, not at all. Has a matter of fact, she is now solely working for the US Government." Abbie braced herself for the next words. They were even hard for her to hear. "Olivia is going to Afghanistan. With her features, she will be able to blend very easy." Abbie waited for a reaction. Alex just sat very still in her chair.

"We know there is a problem regarding funding of weapons to the Taliban. It's classified so that is all I can tell you."

"And the funding is coming from here?" Alex said still in shock.

"Yes. He does have the Ways and the Means to do so." Abbie hinted.

"How is she going to be of help? Does she even know how to speak the language?"

"Olivia is a quick study. She learned it in three weeks. " Abbie smiled. "Well at least enough to get started and seem like a real Aphgan woman.

"I don't understand on how her being in the middle of the war is going to help catch the senator that is providing the funds." Alex was trying to put the pieces together.

"You have to go to the source. She will work for the under secretary in Afghanistan. She too is a woman. She is the one that brought it to our attention."

"So she knows who Olivia really is?" Alex began to worry again.

"No. Olivia was hired by one of our insiders. " Abbie slid forward in her chair once again. She leaned in so that Alex could hear her hushed voice. "We can trust no on over there. I some cases not even our own."

There was a soft rap on Alex's office door. The two women took a few more seconds to look at one another. All the emotions that could possibly be surrendered were only visible in their eyes. Without taking her eyes from Abbie's, Alex softly replied to the visitor.

"Come in."

"Sorry Ms. Cabot." Her secretary, Elizabeth said poking her head in. "But you wanted me to tell you when it was time for your two o'clock."

"Yes, thank you Elizabeth. I will be ready in a few minutes."

Elizabeth nodded and shut the door.

"We good here?" Abbie asked.

"Secrets are always safe among friends." Alex replied.

With that Abbie rose and headed for the door. She turn has if to say something, but retreated once again. Once Abbie was gone Alex sat at her desk thinking about what she had just been told. She let it sink in, deep. She had been on such a run since she got to Washington, that she did not allow herself to really think about Olivia and what she meant to her.

Alex pulled her personnel cell phone from her desk drawer.

"You have reached the number for Olivia Benson. Please leave a message." The automated voice said.

"Olivia it's me. I, I , I just wanted to tell you…" Alex shook her head and hung up the phone. She stood and gathered her things and headed out the door. She would need time to know what to say and do, but she did not have much of it left.

* * *

Olivia watched the screen has the name "Alex" appeared. She just held the phone in her hand. She waited for the voicemail signal to appear. She pressed listen, over and over again.

* * *

next chapter, they meet. Promise


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can. **ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

**

* * *

**

Chapter 8: **Feathers Fly Free**

The Lincoln Monument, a gallant memorial to a man of simplicity. Olivia stood in the shadows of the columns watching the tourists. There were so many tributes to the daring, heroic and unrelenting. People that paid little mind to the thought of the impact their lives would have on generations or that giving their lives would allow for future generation.

"The seat of democracy, the den of greed." Olivia said under her breath.

"You know, you shouldn't talk to yourself, people might think you're crazy." A voice said behind her. She did not bother to turn around.

"They let you out?" She smirked. "Or did Kathleen finally best you?"

Elliott took the few steps towards his old partner. He stood next to her. He too admired the view.

"I came on my own steam." He said.

"Well, its nice to see you again." Olivia said. She was watching a little girl running around in circles with a red balloon.

"You actually have to look at me to see me."

"Well if I do, you better not have that 'what the hell are you thinking' look on your face." She turned to face him. "I don't want to hear it Elliott. My decision is made. Besides, you're not going back either."

"Eventually I will. Captain says my assignment it to have me learn how to keep my anger in check and to teach the new recruits not to get angry."

"How's that working for ya?"

"Well let's see. Kathleen managed to gain the number one spot in her class. I got a civil suit against the academy and me for showing favoritism. Which of course we know did not happen."

"If I know you, it was quite the opposite."

"Yeah, that's what the judge said." Elliott turned and watched the little girl has she hopped up and down off of the bottom stair of the memorial. He felt the question coming. "Petoskey. Hey what can I say, sometimes it does help to have the judge know you."

"Well I always thought she had a thing for ya." Olivia gave him a nudge to the side.

"So what the hell are you doing Liv?" Concern began to creep into his voice.

"Something other then cleaning up the aftermath. This war is about drugs Elliott. Opium, heroin and guns." She jammed her hands in her coat pockets, she suddenly felt cold. "They get guns from here, defend their turf and then ship the drugs over here as payment and profit. It ends up on every street in America."

"Its out of your league. Its not a stakeout in the middle of the Bronx on a Wednesday, Liv. This is real dangerous stuff. And you're going somewhere were strong women like you are killed just for talking."

"I know El. But if we can get some sort of grip on the drugs coming to the US, think of all the junkies that become thieves and rapists we would get off the streets of New York. How many would not even become junkies because there are no drugs."

"Who are you kidding?" Elliott watched the little girl and her dad walk towards the Vietnam Memorial. "There will always be drugs. There will always be junkies."

"But it just takes saving one to make it worth it." Olivia began to walk down the steps. Elliott walked quickly to catch up with her.

"But what if you save that one, but you are injured, permanently or worse." The unspoken stayed that way.

"All the people on those walls over there, each one of them represents one life that was given for others. They helped to preserve all of this. Its worth it."

"Why are you really doing this Olivia? Is it because things between you and Alex went sour?" He braced himself for the furry of words.

"For the hundredth time today, NO! First Abbey and now you. I figured when you called that you were going to try and talk me out of it." She checked her watch. "Look it getting late, lets go grab some dinner and then we'll get you settled."

"You're buying." Elliott said as he called for a taxi.

"Yeah, my town my bill." Olivia walked passed Elliott as he started to enter the taxi. "Oh and my government issued vehicle." She pointed the key fob at the blue Chevy. The lights flickered and it chirped its unlock. "With a parking permit anywhere I want to park it." She smiled and moved around to the driver's side. Elliott threw the taxi driver a fiver and headed towards the sedan.

"Stabler, where's your bag?" Olivia shouted to him as he approached the car.

"Shit." He turned and ran up the steps of the monument. Olivia shook her head with a chuckle and started the car.

* * *

**_Shamathi Thai_**

"Should I be shocked that you know a great Thai restaurant already?" Elliott flipped a piece of chicken stay in his mouth. Following it with a huge spoonful of pad noodles.

"I see the academy has not shown you manners still." Olivia was carefully discarding the peanuts from her plate. She used her chopsticks with skill, almost surgeon like. "I found this place on a quick run to get something to eat one night. Long hours on the hill do not afford you time to eat often."

"I was going to say that you look like you have lost a few pounds, but I didn't want to get into the whole 'was I fat before' discussion." A quick crispy wonton and then a slurp of green tea. He barely swallowed when he noticed a familiar figure at the door. His eyes bulged slightly.

"You okay? You might want to try chewing. It makes the food go down easier." Olivia said. She noticed he was staring at the door. She did her best to read his face. His demeanor did not suggest he felt immediately threatened, but he did have a cautious look.

"Elliott what brings you down to the belly?" Alex said coolly accepting his hug. She looked down as they broke the embrace and noticed Olivia. "Olivia trying to recruit you for the Hill too?"

"Nay. Just got a taste for Thai and Liv here said she knew a good restaurant, so you know me and food."

"Well then, don't let me keep you two from your dinner." Alex smiled and nodded at them.

"Why don't you join us?" Elliott said pulling out the chair between him and Olivia. He felt the lazar stare of his partner bearing through him. He smiled at her sheepishly.

"I don't want to intrude."

"Then.." Olivia began.

"We have more food then Liv can eat. Sit, you look like you could use a good meal too." Elliott said cutting off Olivia before she could spout something she would regret.

"Well, just for a few minutes then." Alex said putting her briefcase down next to the chair as she sat. She too felt the stare from Olivia. "I have to get back to finish my packing."

"What the Hill too much for you?" Olivia said smartly.

"No, I leave for Africa on Saturday. I thought I would take a few days off and go back to New York before I left." Alex unfolded the napkin and placed it on her lap. As if on cue, the waitress placed an empty plate in front of her, a warm kettle of tea and spicy, yellow coconut curry with brown rice.

"Eat here often?" Olivia said smirkishly. Alex took her chopsticks from her purse, turned to Olivia and offered.

"I mostly get take out. Old habits are hard to die. I work late and they are just far enough to make it a nice walk for a break." She placed her chopsticks in the rice and dropped it in the bowl of curry. She repeated this several times. She was concentrating on her food and was unaware of the non- verbal conversation going on between Olivia and Elliott.

"So you really ready for Africa?" Elliott asked still staring at Olivia.

Alex played with her food a little longer before answering. "For what I am going for I am ready to try cases, but I am not sure I am ready to deal with actually seeing the carnage first hand."

"How different from what we see everyday?" Elliott asked hoping Olivia would engage in the conversation. She just sat there eating quietly.

"More brutal perhaps or not. Most of the victims are alive where as with us.."

"Most are dead." Elliott added.

"Yes. And all are younger then 10. So you can understand why it's so important to have this stopped."

"And you're a one woman army that can do it. Is that what you think?" Olivia said abruptly putting down her chopsticks. They bounced on the plate from the force. She leaned in closer to Alex so that she did not upset the other patrons. Elliott positioned himself to block whatever might come out of Olivia's mouth.

"You did this once before and it almost got you killed. Hell it did as far as everyone back home knew. I had to live with knowing for four years that the one person in this world that I loved, I had to pretend was dead." Tears began to well in Olivia's eyes. "Four years and finally you come home. But not to me. Now you make a decision to place yourself in harms way again. After we finally seemed to have a chance." Olivia stood; she leaned further into Alex's space. "You're not trying to save the world, you're trying to run away from me. Run Alex, I won't be here when you decide to come back." She threw her napkin in her chair and left.

"Go. Go get her. Straighten this out. You're a damn fool if you let her go." Elliott told her.

Alex grabbed her coat and headed out after Olivia. The cool night air was a cold slap, but it did not sting as much as Olivia's words. Alex looked up and down the block she did not see Olivia right away. Then, the continued slamming of a car door caused Alex to run to the back of the building. There in the dim lights of the parking lot, Alex saw Olivia opening and shutting her car door. She could make out the faint swearing with each slam. Alex straightened her coat, squared her shoulders and walked towards Olivia.

"Its no the car's fault." Was all that Alex could think of on her way.

"No its not. Its mine for ever getting involved with you." Olivia spat.

"Really?" Alex answered.

"Really. Yes, really. I should have kept to myself. I should have learned by now NOT to get involved with a lawyer or anyone else for that matter." Olivia began kicking at some pebbles on the ground. 'One night stands. Those are best."

"In personnel. That's not you."

"How the hell would you know? Did you ever take the time to know me?"

"Know you how could I not know you. I have watched you sleep, work, dream, eat endless bowls of pasta, watch TV, look at clothes and numerous other things. What would you like to know about yourself that I know?" Alex challenged. Olivia stood silent. Alex began again.

"When you brush your teeth, you don't wet the toothbrush. You start with the back left and go in little circles all the way around." Olivia just kept looking at her. "You look in the mirror before you rinse your toothbrush to make sure you hit every tooth. Then you brush your tongue. Rinse, spit tap your brush three times then put it in the holder in the medicine cabinet."

"So your observant. It does not mean you know me." Olivia crossed her arms in front of her. "You're an attorney. Your job is to observe behaviors and reactions."

"Yes, and yours right now is suggesting that you are doing something…"

"You are the last person who should tell me about what I am doing. Why I am doing it." Olivia's eyes were wide with anger.

Alex began to feel her own anger rise. Alex took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. _'I will not let her draw me in." _She told herself.

"You're doing it again." Olivia said in an agitated tone.

"What?" Alex said. Her eyes were closed and she was pinching the bridge of her nose. It caused her glasses to rest askew on her nose.

"Avoiding any confrontation any sense of feeling something."

"I do feel Olivia. That is were you are wrong." She pressed harder on her bridge hoping it would help her gain control.

"For unknown unnamed victims. But want about for yourself."

"I did feel for myself everyday for four years. I lived with only myself. I lived only knowing who I really am and who I pretended I was." Alex dropped her hand to her side. She wiggled her nose to position her glasses properly in their spot.

"Did you ever stop and think once why I am doing this? Really doing this. I am a victim of a crime I knew that could happen. I knew that at any minute someone in Zapata's group could find me, kill me." She wrapped her arms around herself for comfort and warmth. "The young girls of Africa know that this will happen to them they know it happened to them. They crawl, walk, and sleep scared knowing at anytime family members and strangers will kidnap them in the night or broad daylight. And forced to be circumcised. No pain medication, no sympathy simply mutilated for the purpose of nothing but a traditional ceremony."

"But it is a cultural process that has gone on for years." Olivia put up her right hand to stop Alex from interrupting. "No I do not condone it. I do not understand it for girls or boys no matter where they live. But one person from another country cannot stop something that has transpired for generation."

"What do you hope to do in Afghanistan? Change a criminal organization that has taken hold and is willing to kill just to prove that they have power?" Alex leaned against the sedan. She knew she had to choose her words carefully. "Olivia they will make up cultural laws against women based on the need to kill someone that day. You could be stoned just for looking at a man the wrong way. And if that's not bad just walking down the street could kill you. Especially…"

"You're not safe either, Alex. Honey blonde hair, smooth pale skin, clear blue eyes, you'll be a territory Lord's big prize." Olivia started to get a ping of worry rise inside her.

"There is a lot that the two of us have to think about before we depart." Alex too began to feel the fear.

"This could take awhile." Olivia said.

"Not if we do it together." Alex added. She heard the doors of the sedan unlock. Olivia smiled at her and walked around the passenger's side of the car and opened the door for Alex. Alex gladly took the cue and entered the car.

"What about Elliott?" She asked.

"I am right here." He said holding up to go boxes. He hopped into the back seat. Olivia rolled her eyes as she shut the door. Alex laughed. "Where we going?" Elliott asked as he popped part of the broken almond cookie in his mouth.

"We are going no where. You are going to your hotel." Olivia said taking the car out of gear and heading towards the exit.

"Fine. I'm tired anyway." Elliott looked out the window. "You two however, look like you have lots of energy."

"Shut up Elliott." The women said in unison.

"See I told you. You two are two peas in a pod." Elliott smiled sheepishly.

'Mission accomplished' he texted into his phone.

* * *

If you know me, you know its not that easy!


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can. **ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 9: Capitol A**

"Nice place." Olivia said walking into Alex's apartment. She slowly turned and took in the whole room. It was one big room divided into four spaces and an enclosed space. Olivia guessed it was the bathroom. The kitchen was to the left. Spacious. She chuckled to herself. 'Probably never used.'

In front of her was a wall of windows. She could see the Capitol building. The sun was setting and it casted purples and reds through the sky giving the Capitol a blush tint. She knew that this was the reason Alex lived here. The Capitol. The big House. That was her goal. She had it in her sights everyday now.

The view as so overwhelming that Olivia failed to see the stack of boxes aligning the wall just below the windows. Alex touched her on the shoulder.

"Beautiful isn't it." Alex handed Olivia a glass of wine. She motioned for her guest to sit on the couch.

"I would say inspiring." Olivia shocked even herself. "I mean if you had aspirations of that career path."

"One can dream." Alex said taking a seat on the couch next to Olivia. She was careful not to sit too close, but was within arms reach. "But you must take baby steps to get there." She took a long sip of her wine.

"I can recall two recent presidents that took large steps." Olivia challenged.

"Yes, but one got us into war and the other, well he's still working." Alex took a deep breath. She was preparing her next word carefully. Olivia listened to the silence. She began to feel uncomfortable.

"What happened to us?" Alex asked.

Olivia took a sip of her wine and then another before answering. "We made decisions without each other. Big ones." She let the weight of her words and their significance remain on their own.

Alex swallowed hard. She knew that she herself began the unraveling. She told herself over and over that she had to think for two not one, but when it came time for chances, she made it about her.

"I take the blame for starting. It was selfish of me not to talk with you. It was an important decision. A passionate one and I just made it."

"You make those kind of decisions and we fall apart." Olivia placed her glass on the coffee table. She sat back and rubbed her hands on her thighs. Alex took a long last drink. She played with the glass rim.

"You make decisions everyday Olivia. Everyday you went out the door I was afraid that it would be the last time I saw you." She felt a lump begin to grow in her throat. "You pull your gun and you decide that what is happening is worth the risk of you dying."

"See that is where you and I collide. I pull my gun its because I don't plan on dying. Odds are in my favor that I am a better shot."

"That is comforting." Alex crossed her arms. Her wine glass still in her hand.

"You do the same." Olivia turned towards Alex. "You are in court trying to convict the most henice criminals. So get locked up some don't. Some take revenge from the inside. Some just stalk you for a time before they release the anger they have towards you and either mo on or end up right back into the system."

"Yes, but I don't have a gun aimed right at me or a knife to my throat." Alex's voice began to quiver. She felt Olivia's stare. She turned towards her.

"Alex you have had those things too." Olivia put up her hand to stop Alex from commenting. Olivia paused a bit longer. She traced the younger woman 's face without touch. The smooth skin, soft blue eyes and lips full and welcoming. What she would not give to have the last three months erased. "We've gotten off topic." She reached for her wine glass. Disappointed that it was empty, she placed it back on the table.

"I love you, Olivia. I know this to be true." She reached for Olivia's hand. "I felt safe and secure in that, so when I made this decision, I knew that…that." Alex squeezed Olivia's hand harder. "I knew that nothing would change that. I was a good and I want to take that good and help others."

"Wait what?" Olivia withdrew her hand. "You love me. And you are saying that because you love me you are going to South Africa?" Olivia searched Alex's face. Any sign of remorse would be welcomed. Nothing. "I did not make that a probability. I didn't even know you were even thinking about it." She stood and walked back to the windows. "You and I shared a house. We shared a life. Day to day we talked, ate and slept together. Hell the night before the verdict, we made love. And yet nothing from you about this decision." Olivia wrinkled her mouth in disgust. "I hear it on the courthouse steps as we walk out of the trial. And not even from you." Olivia crossed her arms in front of her and turned towards Alex. Alex sat patently. Hearing all the pain she caused Olivia torn at her heart.

"Is being in that place that important to you? You'd risk losing me and perhaps your life to gain ground towards granite walls and power?"

"No. That is not why I am doing this." Alex closed her eyes. She could feel a headache coming on. "I got caught up in the moment during the trail. Talking with different people in the state department and the African Councel. It just sounded so romantic."

"WTF! Romantic. There is nothing romantic about what is happening to those girls."

"Not in that way. I guess heroic. I wanted to make a bigger difference. Concentrate on one issue and work it till it no longer existed. I wanted to be passionate about what I do. I wanted to be like you."

"Me! Why would you want that? You're pretty good at what you do all by yourself."

"It wasn't enough."

"So we weren't enough either."

"That's not what I said."

"But that's where you were heading. The dreams of us getting married, having children and growing old together WE was exciting to me. I guess we just are too different." Olivia turned and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Alex shouted. "Don't go, please."

"You've already gone." Olivia turned the doorknob, pulled the door open and stepped out into the hall. She stopped for just a moment to look at Alex once more and then closed the door.

"What have I done?" Alex fell to the floor. Her body shaking. She had never felt so alone. So empty.

* * *

Olivia unlocked the door and entered into the foyer. She did not bother with the lights. Walking over to the windows, she pulled open the drapes. Her view was not as spectacular as Alex's. The rooftop of the building across the street, the fifth floor window of the brownstone just to the left and if she turned her head just right she could see the Washington Monument. It's a big structure. Almost everyone in DC could see the monument.

She opened the small cabinet under the windowsill. A small bar with only one bottle. The bar belonged to her mother, the bottle to her. Olivia always joked 'The two things mother loved the most, booze and me.' She wasn't always so sure about herself.

Olivia pulled out the bottle of MaCallan and an empty glass. She sat on the couch with such force, that the cushions from the other side moved and became slightly dislodged. She didn't notice. She was alone in her head pining once again. She replayed the conversation again in her head. She could not find where she made the mistakes. She was sure there were some, plenty of them. The only thing she could think of was in the end she was just not good enough for Alex.

Her phone vibrated in the pocket of her jeans. She ignored it. Instead she opened the bottle and poured herself a glass of the warm carmel colored liquid. She allowed her senses to be filled with the sweet smell of the scotch.

"To tomorrow." She toasted to no one. I one big gulp the glass was empty. Her phone buzzed again. She pulled it from her pocket and was about to throw it across the room when she noticed the number.

"SA Benson." She said strongly.

"Benson. Chief Donovan has been trying to reach you. Hold please." The stern female placed her on hold before she could answer her.

"Benson. Change of plans. You will need to report to Andrews at 0:30 hrs. Ready for deployment. You will receive further instructions when you arrive." The line went dead. She looked at her watch. She had three hours to get her stuff together and set the personnel deployment plan in motion. She poured one last drink, downed it and replaced it in the bar. Next she texted "480" into her phone and sent it to Abbie.

She began packing her gear. There was not much to take. She had been told what would be expected for an Afghanistan woman. Mostly underwear, small bit of toiletries and sandals. Next we went into the bathroom. She pulled the box of Clairol from the medicine cabinet. She shed her cloths and began applying the black hair dye to hide her highlights. While it set into her hair, she pulled out her data book and began reviewing the cultural information. She knew it by heart, but she also knew that one mistake could cost her her life. It would be hard not to look a man in the eyes when she was spoken to or to respond. She recited her personal mantra to remember not to speak.

"The spoken word gets you killed." She drained her glass and placed it on the windowsill. Her breath caused the window to fog in front of her. She traced a heart in the mist.


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can. **ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

Chapter 10: Teeth Too White.

The smell of airplane fuel reeked in the air. The loud straining pitch of jet engines drowning out any possible thought. Inside the hanger, her bags were being searched. Bits and pieces of her strewed across a stainless steel table. Today her intimates, yesterday, it probably held the greasy contents of engine parts.

"This can't go." The young property sergeant held up her Goode brush. "This either." Her toothbrush and paste were placed in a plastic bin. She didn't have to ask why. To American. She would get spotted immediately.

"These are the replacements." The sergeant held up a flimsy plastic comb, a toothbrush that looked to be left over from WWII and a tube that had unrecognizable characters on it. She read it, Mouth Cream. She smiled to herself. She was beginning to think like an afphganny.

* * *

Washington near the hill was not hard to get around on your feet. Alex had several routes to her office. One for beautiful sunny days, one for crisp autumn evenings and the public transportation service for rainy and snow. This evening she sat in the back of a taxi. She was barely aware that they had pulled up to Olivia's building.

"Miss, this the right building?" A polite way for the cab driver to repeat to the beautiful woman in the back they had reached her destination.

"Oh, yes." Alex slid forward to see what she owed. She didn't ask for change. Stepping to the curb she looked up. She knew which window was Olivia's. Alex had driven, walked ridden her bike past the building several times over the last six months. She never, however, had the courage she had now to go in.

The building was circa 1940's but the lobby was ultra modern. Minimal. Not warm or too inviting. Was she doing the right thing?

"Can I help you?" A roundly gentleman behind the security desk looked up slowly from his newspaper.

"I'm looking for Olivia Benson." Alex was hesitant to give Olivia's name. She wasn't sure if Olivia was using her real name.

"What is the nature of your business with Ms. Benson?" He gave a wry smile. She was pretty, but that had fooled him before.

"I am a friend of Olivia's. We work at the state department together." Alex reached into her bag, the guard stood rapidly. A startled Alex dropped her bag and it's contents on the floor of the lobby. Bending over she quickly looked for her badge. She held it up for the guard to see while shoving the fallen items back into her purse. She felt herself start to cry with panic.

"She left." The guard said reaching over the top of his desk to hand Alex her badge. He shook it at her twice to get her attention. Alex was still on the floor putting her wallet back together. She stopped abruptly when she realized what the guard had told her.

"What? When? Where?" Alex stood up quickly the rotund guard stepped back and placed his right hand on his gun.

"About an hour ago. I don't ask where." He let that sink in. He knows not to offer any more information then was asked. Thirty years in the military was not going to be lost on a beautiful blonde with long legs, again.

"Do you know when she is coming back?" Desperation was hurling rocks her way.

"I don't think she is." He began to feel sorry for her. "She left her keys and took her duffle with her." He ran his stubby fore finger over his chin. "Looks to me like she was shipping out."

"No! She can't be." Alex felt panic fill her body. "Can I just have the key and see her apartment?" He stared blankly at her. "I left an important file at her house and I need it for tomorrow."

"Well, you are from the State department and well I don't see the harm in it." He took the key from the desk drawer and handed it to her. She grabbed it and headed for the elevator. "It's 50…"

Alex entered the elevator, "506!" The door closed. The guard began to question his judgment.

* * *

"Your passport and ID?" The sergeant asked.

"They should be in the bag." Olivia replied.

"No such documentation."

"What?" Olivia grabbed the bag and rumbled through it. "Damnit! Oh sorry."

"Benson is there a problem?" SA Collins was a man of little words and patience.

"I seem to have left my passport and ID at home." Olivia gave the same stiff response.

Collins looked at his watch. "You are our only live cargo. You have till 200 hours to retrieve and return."

Olivia didn't respond. She headed for the hangers entrance calmly.

Her mind focusing on where it could be in her apartment. She climbed in the awaiting sedan. Her mind settled with relief. She was second-guessing her commitment to the mission.

* * *

Alex fumbled with the key. It was almost as if she were drunk trying to get into the door. Finally, the key fit, she took a deep breath before opening it. It was dark. Only shadows filled the now sparse room. Her hand reached for the light. The illumination did not improve the room's condition. Boxes were stacked against the far wall. Alex walked around the room slowly. She looked out the window and saw the view. She tilted her head just so, like Olivia described, and she could see the Washington Monument.

"Are we really all that different?" Alex said aloud. She leaned her head against the window.

* * *

"Shouldn't be long." Olivia shut the door to the sedan. He words fell on deaf ears. The soldier just kept his hands on the wheel and mind in observation.

With quick steps she was in the lobby and headed for the elevator.

"Ms. Benson!" The guard yelled after her. She just gave a slight wave, and stepped back from the elevator door to let a somewhat drunk couple off. She watched them walk towards the door arm in arm with a slight challenge to their step. Shaking her head entered the lift. She punched 5.


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**Out of New York**

Chapter 11: That's gonna hurt.

* * *

The door was open just enough for Olivia to see it from the middle of the hall. The hair on the back of her neck stood up. Instinctively she reached for her gun, but it was not there. She had checked it in her gear bag. Her pulse quickened. She knew she had a slight advantage, the element of surprise. She walked back towards the beginning of the hallway. Yanking open the extinguisher box, she pulled the red cylinder from its protective cage. She pulled the pin on the handle as when walked back towards her apartment. Holding the hose at the ready, she kick the front door open. Alex raised her head from the window. As she turned towards the loud crashing noise, Olivia squeezed the trigger. Alex moved, was sprayed by the white foam, tripped over a lamp cord and fell to the ground.

"What the hell?" Olivia flipped on the light switch by the door. She saw the pair of Jimmy Choo's sticking out from the behind the couch.

"Don't shoot. I 'm coming out." Alex said with a hint of laughter. She pushed herself up from the floor. She stood, straightened her shirt and tucked the stray blonde hairs behind her ear. "Well that was not what I was expecting."

"Me either. What are you doing here?" Olivia set the extinguisher on the coffee table and shut the door.

"Looking for you." Alex steadied herself. She lifted her left foot and reach down to touch the heel. "Shit. These cost 500 dollars." She pulled both shoes off and tossed them on the couch.

"You are crazy." Olivia said. The pair looked at each other and burst into laughter.

"Well it was either those or a pair of canary diamond earrings."

"Well you do make the big bucks why not get both.?"

"I was not going to spend all of my depression shopping at once!"

"What do you have to be depressed about?' Olivia no longer had laughter in her voice.

"Lots that I care not to discuss with you right now." Biting her lip, Alex asked, "What are you doing here? I thought you shipped out, went on assignment or what ever you call it."

"Its called on assignment and I was on the way out of the country.."

"I thought you weren't leaving for awhile?"

"Change of plans." Olivia began looking for her passport and other misplaced paperwork. Walking behind the couch, she stopped just behind Alex. She could smell the honey shampoo and the hint of lavender. She took a deep breath allowing the smell to engulf her senses.

'Find the passport, Benson.' She told herself. As she reached down to look in the first box she was knocked slightly off balance. The room shook slightly. She reached for the couch to balance herself. Alex quickly turned around and looked at Olivia in fear.

"What is happening?" Alex shouted in a panic. The room shock once more. The molding from the ceiling began to crack and crumble to the floor.

"I…I" Olivia began looking around the room. Her brain going a hundred miles an hour. She searched for a safe place. "Alex quick to the bedroom.

"Seriously!" Alex did not budge.

"For heaven sakes come on get under the mattress not on top!" She grabbed Alex's hand and pulled her over the couch. They sprinted the seven steps it took to get into the bedroom. Not caring about the sheets, Olivia lifted the mattress from the frame and motioned for Alex to help her get under it. The room shook fiercely and the floor began to buckle. The smell of gas began to fill the air.

"Son of a bitch!" Olivia shouted.

"I don't like this Olivia." Alex grabbed her by the arm. The floor cracked just beneath them.

"Get on top of it." Olivia ordered. She grabbed the discarded sheets and blankets and placed them over their heads. They had just secured their position on the mattress when the floor gave.

"Hold on!" Olivia shouted. A ghostly white Alex gripped the sides of the mattress and a balled up section of sheet.

The pair plummeted 5 stories down. They hit bottom, before they could run too far, the floor above them came down on top of them. Alex was trapped under various particles of debris. She was still on the mattress. She tasted the blood has it slowly ran from her forehead to her mouth. She tried to turn her head to the left, but she had difficultly. A large wooden support beam lay near her head. It had her left side well pinned. She tried to move her fingers, but only felt pressure.

"Liv!." She cried out trying to puller arm free. "Liv, I'm stuck." There was no answer. Alex began to panic. "Olivia, I'm stuck, please say you'll help me." Still nothing. Another section of the floor above gave way and came crashing down on them. Alex tried again to free herself. She did a quick assessment of her body. Her Right arm was free,but painful to move. Her legs both had room to move. She was in some kind of void in the mess. The only thing not free was her left arm and shoulder. Her legs seemed to be hanging in mid air. She could feel the mattress still under her head. She had a slight pain from the cut on her forehead and a sharp pain in her left side. But that only hurt if she took a deep breath.

"Olivia Benson answer me." She scanned the area the best she could from her position. He view was blocked by large pieces of concrete and cables. She reached out with her right hand and tried moving some of the small bits of concrete from her view. She was able to reach a rather big chuck if concrete and cable. She pushed it as hard as she could. It only moved a little. She grabbed the protruding piece of rebar and pulled down on it. The chunk of concrete followed. She watched it as it tumble past her legs and feet until she heard it crash to the void below. Alex looked back to where the large obstacle had been.

"NO!" Rang through the now destroyed building.


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

**Out Of New York **

**Chapter 12: ****With a rubble yell...**

**_Amongst the Ruins_**

'_Alarm, shut it off. Where is it? Head hurts. How much did I have? Alarm, shut if off!' She tried to move, but nothing would. _

* * *

_Elliott's hotel room_

"_**The authorities are unsure of the cause of the blast, but it is believed to have started in the basement." **_

"_**Vanessa, how far is the building from the White House?"**_

"_**George, the building sits some 7 blocks from the White House. It is said to house mostly federal employees."**_

Elliott stopped brushing his teeth and moved into the room so that he could see the TV. His cell phone started to ring. Without taking his eyes off the TV, he picked up his phone and answered.

"You alone? Please tell me you are not alone?" Abbie said with a slight panic.

"Yeah. What do you know?"

"Elliott, is Liv with you?"

Elliott felt a lump grow in his throat. He could barely ask the question he knew the answer to. "She's gone right?"

"No Elliott, She forgot her paperwork. They said..Oh shit!" Abbie was pacing her office. Hand to her forehead. Her cloths looked slept in. She had been at her office since just after two am. Not long after the blast.

Elliott had put the phone on speaker and placed it on the desk as he hurried to get dressed.

"Have you called Alex?" Elliott said struggling to get his left shoe on. 'We saw her at dinner. Olivia drove her home."

The slight sting lasted only a heartbeat. "She was set to leave today for Africa. Everyone is grounded at the US Attorney's office."

"**George, I am being told that the building indeed housed visiting government employees. They were either here before an assignment or returning of an assignment. This was not a public building."**

"**Are they saying this was planned? Anyone come forward yet claiming responsibility?'**

"**No, Robin. There is no indication that this is an act of terrorism."**

* * *

"Elliott, its not true." Abbie and Elliot stood just inside the police tape. The usually cool Abbie was visibly shaken. The building before them was a pile of brick, broken glass and chunks of concrete. The pair watched the reporter spin her story. A story that was not based on full facts. She and Elliott flashed their badges and we waved through to another safe zone.

"Everyone has to stay here. Fire Chief's orders." The police officer was polite, but the worry was evident in his voice.

The furry of firefighters, rescue workers and medical techs could be fascinating if it weren't so frightening. Abbie and Elliott watched for signs of Olivia.

"I did not reach Alex." Abbie said still staring at the pile of rubble.

"Are you sure she did not get out last night?" Elliott said. He too was under the same trance.

"If she had they would have turned her around. Report was that she did not leave." Her tone changed as the fire chief started walking towards the pair. "There were over one hundred US attorney people leaving yesterday and today. Only six are currently unaccounted for. All were verified to have not traveled within the last twenty-four hours." She was directing her answers to both Elliott and the fire chief.

"Chief Ted Malloy." He nodded to both of them. "You must be Deputy AG Abbie Carmichael." He was not in the habit of not knowing before he met people for the first time who they are. He had received notice that Abbie was coming to the site. A photo was sent to him over his IPAD.

"Yes and this is Elliott Stabler, he is a special agent assigned to this…this, whatever we are to call it." She did her best not to let the devastation before her to cause her to lose her composure.

"Here's what I know." The Chief turned on his IPAD. A survey of the building was displayed. "There were 6 floors here. The building is fully occupied." The number of people living in the building, their apartment numbers, the branch of the government they worked for and their current status appeared on the screen. "It is unclear if anyone had visitors in their apartments. There are no families, just singles. Some of the apartments had more then one person living there."

"I show six unaccounted for as I reported from our office." Abbie was staring at the screen to see if she could find Olivia's name.

"You have six, there are twelve FBI and ten CIA. All unaccounted for." The Chief scrolled through the names.

"Stop!" Elliott demanded. He highlighted Olivia's name. 'OLIVIA BENSON 506 US ATTORNEY MISSING.' Elliott's finger just rested on the screen below Olivia's name.

* * *

'_What is that dripping on my head? Its so annoying, but feels good.'_

"OLIVIA! OLIVIA!" A strained voice shouted out.

'_Alex is that you?' _

"Olivia, please answer me." Alex began to sob.

'_Here! I'm over here!_' She heard herself, but only in her head. Her ears heard nothing of her voice.

Alex grew desperate. She had to move, get out of where she was and find Olivia. She couldn't be that far. They were standing in the same room. Only a few feet apart. Alex surveyed where she was. There was Olivia's couch to her left, a lamp and what looked like the crown molding from the living room. To her right, her view was mostly obstructed. Rebar, concrete and water spewing from somewhere in the direction of what use to be Olivia's bathroom.

Next she checked herself. She could see her hands. She could move all of her fingers, although the ones on her right hand hurt with movement, they still moved. Her arms felt like they were still there. She move the left one, no problem. She went to put her right one over her head.

"Ouuuuuuuch! Son of a bitch." Alex yelled.

* * *

"Chief, we have three more bodies in the upper apartment, and hold on." The lieutenant held up his index finger he pick up his radio and requested,

"Can you repeat, 34."? He barked into his radio.

"We have a woman trapped between the 5th and 4th floors. She's far in the rubble. Its gonna take a lot to get her out."

"is she alive?" The lieutenant asked.

"Yes, she is but injured. We have verbal contact."

"10-4 34 heading your way."

"What's her name?" Abbie and Elliott asked at the same time.

"Hold on." The Chief raised his radio to his mouth. "34 come in."

"Yes, Chief."

"Do you have a name for the woman who is trapped?"

"No, but hold on, sir." The battalion leader went to the edge for the rubble very near where they heard the voice. A group of fire fighters and rescue workers were planning the best way to try and rescue the woman.

"Ma'm can you hear me? This is Battalion Chief Barker. What is your name?"

'_Olivia Benson.' She replied._

"Alex Cabot, Chief Barker. US Attorney Alex Cabot." Alex was relieved that she was going to get help in getting out of there so she can find Olivia.

Elliott and Abbie bolted to the rubble before the Chief repeated the name to them.

* * *

Review please.


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**Out of New York**

**Chapter 13:**

"We can't use a crane. The structure is still too unstable." Chief Barker explained. "I have a team using thermal detection to see if there are any indications that someone else might be near Ms. Cabot. " He paused to insure that the reporters and the gathering crowd were understanding what was the current situation. "We are showing that there is evidence that there could possibly exist at least four people."

"Are they alive?' The reporter from the Today show shouted.

"We show that there are significant thermals, so the possibility of the current state as being alive. However," The Chief held up his hand to repress the of questions that were beginning to be asked. "until we are absolutely sure that what we are seeing is indeed human, I will not speculate."

"Chief!"

"Chief!"

"What is the time…"

The Chief felt the tap on his shoulder. "You will be update as we know more. Thank you." He turned and followed the Lieutenant towards the building.

* * *

"Olivia. I know you are there. I'm just going to keep talking until you answer me." Alex was using her own voice to keep herself calm. She had been moving small bits of concrete and various shrapnel from around and on her. She was able to move her legs, and her head. her torso was pinned by a large wooden beam and concrete, but it did not have a crushing feeling. Using her right arm, she began to move the debris. She carefully pulled pieces, afraid of causing an avalanche. She reached for a piece of rebar just to her upper right and tugged. Ti looked like it was attached to a small piece of concrete. She struggled with it. Alex tried to reposition herself so that she more leverage to force the piece to move. She twisted and pushed off with her left leg. The floor underneath her gave way. She felt herself sliding. The hole got bigger and more debris began to fall through it. Alex kicked and grabbed in desperation. The beam the laid on top of her tumbled off, she was able to move herself up to higher ground. Just as quick as the avalanche started, it ended.

"Christ!" Alex shouted. "Please God help me. Get me out of here." She was free from being pinned, but not free from the debris grave. She began turning left and right, searching for anyway to get out. She was careful though. Making sure that the large crater that now existed, did not get any bigger. She turned her whole body to the left, she saw a relief.

* * *

"The structure, what's left of it. It's very fragile." the lieutenant told the small group of rescue workers, including Abbie and Elliott. "We're making progress, but slowly."

"Stop the hammer!"

"Cut the engine"

"get the dogs over here!"

Rescuers were shouting. People began running towards the the rubble with tools. Dogs at their sides. Gingerly the climbed through the rubble listening for signs of life.

"Cabot is here." A young woman told searchers. "The rubble came from this area, but the cry came from over there.". She pointed about ten yard to the east of where they stood.

"Hear that?" a fireman said hold up his hand to silence the area around them. Shout of "Quiet!" rolled through the disaster area.

"My name is," a weakened voice shouted.

"Here it's coming from here." The firefighter dropped to his knees and began to carefully remove debris. Elliott raced over and started helping.

"We're here! Who are you?" Elliott yelled into the mound of concrete. "Alex is that you?"

"Ben..ben..." The voice was weak. Barley audible. Elliott and the firefighter peeled a few more blocks of concrete from the area of the voice. dust fell below. She closed her eyes, but the falling soot was to fast for her to keep it out completely. She carefully took her hand and put it to her mouth. She spit onto her fingers and then gently wiped the dust from her eye. She blinked rapidly. Each blink slightly scrapping her eye. She repeated the process, until she felt the dust was gone. With her concentration on her eye, she did not hear them shouting for her from above.

* * *

"Olivia I see you." Alex said with a shaky voice. She was afraid to move again, but wanted to get closer to Olivia. "Olivia can you hear me?"

* * *

" Can you hear us? Can you tell me your name?" Elliott shouted again.

Olivia was confused. She heard her name, but it was not coming from above it was coming from her right, 'but why was someone else asking her name? Didn't they already know?'

"Benson. Badge number 4015!" She managed to shout with what little breath she had.

"Olivia!" Elliott shouted from above.

* * *

"Olivia!" Alex yelled in relief. The sound of her friend's voice brought her to tears. Her instinct to move towards Olivia was quickly recoiled when a thunderous grumble resonated through the broken building. Small bits of concrete slid and bounced around her, some bruising her in their path.

* * *

The quake was felt above. Bits of the debris, began to disappear as they fell downward.

"Everyone OFF! OFF!"

"Move off!"

"Go!"

"OFF!"

People were shouting from all directions. The building remains, began to implode.

* * *

Sorry for the lonnnnnnng in-betweens. We are moving, business is up and well life. I hope you like this installment.


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S****NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

OUT OF NEW YORK

Chapter 14: Hanging around flat

The crowd stood in awe. The plume of dust rolled towards them. A few ran, but most just stood there and watched. Covering their mouth and nose and on only shutting their eyes when they could no longer take the sting of the sift collecting in their eyes. The horror of what occurred far eclipsed the earlier devastation.

Somehow, she was not sure, but Alex managed to grab the one thing near her that did not get sucked into the large crater. It protruded out of the rubble just enough that the she could feel the sun on her face. Even through the dust, the fingers of light caressed her face. Her eye still closed, she was unaware of the state of the rest of the building. Her brain, however, was working, rapidly.

"Olivia." She said through dry lips. The dust settling now, she opened her eyes. Blinking, she managed to put together a clear visual of her state. No longer dangling from a sliding floor, she found herself able to firmly plant her feet and stand. She looked around and saw figures running towards her.

Elliot blinked. And then he did it again. Still not believing what he saw. He nudged Abbie, who herself was having difficulty believing what was in front of her.

The building released her from her grave. She laid there in a void, battered and broken. A small slab of concrete was her bed. She was lucky, just a foot more and her fate would have been sealed in the large creator. Steel and wood protruded like a child's toy from the gape.

She was conscience when she descended. She watched the timbers and concrete roll off her body leaving trails of pain in their wake. And now, she sensed the freedom from her restraints, but the loom of helpless still wove around her. With her eye just slits and her throat dry she took a deep breath a let out a scream. But she heard nothing. All went dark.

"I am alright. I'm alright". Alex repeated to the rescuers. Mostly for her own reassurance.

"We'll have you out in just a minute, ms Cabot. ".a fireman said as he finished tying the rescue harness around her torso. He tugged on it a few times until he felt certain it was secure. He motioned to the crane operator and he gently lifted Alex. Once the chain was taunt and fireman checked once more to insure she was well secure in the harness, " you can let go of the bar now, Ms. Cabot." He told her.

" Are you sure?" her voice shaky.

" Yes mam. You're safer then a turkey at Thanksgiving."

" Not funny." With hesitation, she slowly released her grip on the steel rod. She seemed to just float, yet she was still covered by building debris. A paramedic flashed a penlight in her eyes. " You're in shock. I am going..."

" Of course I am in shock. First the building falls on me and next poof! It retreats."

The paramedic shook his head in agreance, but he was not paying attention to what she was saying. He inserted the tubing into the saline bag and shook it. He made sure the clear liquid flowed through the tubing before placing it back into his kit.

"Can you give me you left arm please?"

Alex tried to lift it but the pain made it impossible. "No. You,ll have to use the right arm.".

He rolled up the torn sleeve, the skin beneath it was still pale from being suspended holding onto the steel beam. He began rubbing his hands on each side of her arm to warm it.

"Chester, you gotta move faster. I'm not sure howl long this will be stable.". His battalion chief yelled to him.

" Just a few more minutes. I need to get the IV in."

" Hurry, you may not have a few minutes."

Satisfied that the skin was pink enough, he went on the hunt for a good vein. Within seconds he has the IV in place and signaled to the chief below.

"Ms. Cabot. I am going to cover you with this silver blanket. It's to keep you warm and minimize the amount of debris from hitting you as we pull you out."

"Okay. Then what?". Alex was beginning to shake. Her body was cold and her mind was becoming foggy.

"Then Stan here," he pointed to the first firefighter. " he's going to signal for them to pull you from here slowly." He check her pulse again, it was weak but active. He signaled that they were ready. " I will attach my harness to the cable and then hold onto you you as they pull you to safety." He looked at Alex to verify that she heard him. He began to wrap the harness around his torso. He gave one last look of assurance. Alex smiled weakly. She began to rise.

"Olivia. You saw her?" Elliot was sitting in the back of the ambulance has it flew towards to hospital.

"Yes. She was only a few feet from me." Alex closed her eyes. She could see Olivia trapped. "I was trying to reach her when the building began moving again."

"Where was she?"

"To my right just on the other side of a beam." Then Alex realized what happened. "I was grabbing onto the beam to get to the other side when the building moved."

"So she was on the other side of that beam?" Elliott's face was just inches from Alex's face.

"Olivia, quite dreaming. You're going to be late for school." her mother stood at her bedroom door. Her white billowy dress flowed has she walked down the hall. "I am leaving to 10 minutes."

"Too tired to go to school, Mom." Her arms and legs felt heavy. "I think I'm sick."

"Lay there for a while my sweet daughter." Her mother bent to kiss her. "Let your soul relax. It will move you to the right path."

"Yes. She was alive Elliott. Do you think she still is?" Tears began to spill down her face. She shut her eyes. She could see Olivia just on the other side of the beam. She felt helpless.


	15. Chapter 15

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S****NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

OUT OF NEW YORK

Chapter 15: Is this Oz

"_Mom this water is good." Olivia drank and drank from the cup. It never seemed empty._

"_Good there is plenty of it." Her back was to her child. She was doing something at the kitchen sink. Olivia, peering over her glass, could not tell what it was._

"_Ewh!" Olivia said when she looked at the content of her glass. "It's brown." _

"_That's okay sweet girl. Keep drinking. You'll need your strength." Serena was now moving towards the stove. Her back still towards Olivia. _

_Water streamed down the sides of Olivia's mouth as she drank faster and faster from the glass. She tried desperately to empty it of its contents. "Ouch!" She yelled. "Something hit me."_

"_Its just parts of the ceiling my dear. Nothing to worry about."_

_Olivia looked up. The ceiling was a mesh of broken concrete, timbers and wall board. "Ouch! There is goes again."_

"_Olivia, move your chair." Serena said mater of faculty. "You should be safe over there." She used the knife she held in her hand to point to a large black spot on the floor. It seemed to grow as Olivia stared at it. She stood up and ran towards the stove. 'What are you doing?"_

_Bending down she opened the cabinets one by one. "I am looking for the pots. I want to put one over my head."_

"_Olivia, look at me." The child slowly stood up. She raised her head and looked at her mother. Shock moved through her body. "Mommy nooooooo!" _

"No. No. NNNanna no." Olivia opened her eyes. She was laying on the concrete slab again. She felt wet. "Water." She said weakly. She could feel the small stream of water hitting her arm. She tried moving closer to that she could take a drink. Each movement more painful then the last. She stuck out her tongue and began lapping the water into her mouth. It tasted metallic, but she did not care. It was water.

"Alex said she was just to her left." Elliott said over the phone. He was at the hospital with Alex. He wanted to make sure she was alright and to get any information that she might remember from being near Olivia.

"That's great." Said Abbie. "But everything to her left is now deep underground." Abbie was watching the crane begin operating again. It moved much more careful then before. "They are going to send down a camera. They want to see if there are any voids where she could be and..."

"And if she's still alive." He finished her sentence. "She will be. Its Olivia."

"I know Elliott. I just want them to find her. One way or another just find her."

"_Ladies and Gentlemen I introduce you to the graduating cadet class of 1998."_

"_Did she come?" Samantha Harden asked Olivia._

"_I don't see her, but doesn't mean she's not here." Olivia kept her stance ridged while scanning the crowd. Something she learned from years of riding the subway. A flash of auburn caught her eye. "She's by the tree at 2 o'clock."_

"_I knew she'd come. Three years of dating and two thousand arguments about me being a cop." Samantha was beaming. "I knew she would not let all that effort go to waste. I am going to marry her someday. "_

"_I hope you can." Olivia said still scanning the crowd. She knew her mother would not show. _

"_Dismissed." Everyone left the stage either by stairs or just jumping off. Olivia leaped off the front and headed for her car. She walked through a group of fellow graduates. _

"_Olivia, you coming with us?" John Reilly yelled to her. She waved him off without turning around. _

"_Awh. Poor Johnny. Looks like you'll never realize that dream." _

_The smoke was thick. The smell of the stale beer a near rival. " Hey. Congrats Olivia!" The bartender yelled. THe old cronies sitting around the bar all raised their glasses towards her. Olivia too a slight bow. She gave the bartender a worried glance. "She's over there." He pointed to the booth in the back. Olivia put a 20 on the bar and walked towards the booth. It had a warm red glow from the Budweiser sign above it. The plumes of smoke danced in its light. _

"_Mother. Its time to go." Olivia demanded. _

"_Well, coper come to take me in?" Serena's drunk cackle rang out over the moaning sounds of Bing Crosby on the jukebox. _

"_Mother. You've had enough. Let me take you to get something to eat." Olivia was beginning to sweat._

"_I prefer the liquid kind my dear." She looked into her daughter's eyes. She thought better about saying her next bit of dribble. "Sam, ring me out. My kid's gonna take me to dinner." Olivia pulled out the table so that the frail woman could exit easier. She offered her hand to help her up._

"_On the house Serena." Sam said. _

_Olivia felt warm. Her hand still holding her mother's felt sticky. Her head itched. She reached up to scratch it, but there was nothing to scratch. She pulled her hand down and looked at it. A stick red substance filled her hand. clumps of hair and other junk she could not tell what is was mixed in. _

"_Oh my." Serena laughed. "Looks like you took a nasty tumble. So did I." Serena turned so that Olivia could see the back of her head. Half of it was gone and bloody mashed mess remained. Her Sandy blonde hair became matted and red. "Like mother like daughter." Serena continued to chant as she left the bar._

"I got to get out of here." Olivia told herself. She did a self assessment. Legs first. "Son of a bitch!" Pain shot up her right leg at just the slightest of movement. She braced herself as she tried her left. She felt nothing. No pain. But no leg movement either. She tried again. Nothing still. She raised her head to turn to her left. She tried to see what might be pinning her leg. "Nothing." She said. "Great. At least its still there." She raised herself up once again to see if there was anything near by that she could use. A couple of boards were quite near. A large pipe was sticking straight up. She gave a good look all the way up. "Looks like it goes through." She began to drag herself towards the boards first. Each inch was an enormous undertaking. "I need a distraction."

"In the arms of the angel's far away from here.." She began to sing. When she finally reached the wooden boards, she had sung the song twice. She grabbed onto a pipe that was oddly still in place against the remaining concrete wall. She pulled.

"Son of a Blonde." She yelled as she reached up with her left arm and tried to pull further up the pipe. Pain shot in every direction.

"_This should teach you not to climb trees like boys." Serena was patting more macuracrum on her daughter's skinned knee._

"_Yea but its fun. And besides." Olivia winced just slightly. "They dared me. And you can't pass on a dare."_

"_Well," Serena began, "You don't have to do everything they dare you to do. You should dare them to do something." She began putting away the bandages and the medicine._

"_I did, just as soon as your done, we are going to climb through the drain pipe in the park." Olivia jumped down from the counter and headed outside. Serena thought better of it and left the bandages on the counter._

Two more bodies were pulled from the debris. Lifeless bodies. A brief few moments of silence passed through the rescuers as each victim was loaded into the ambulance. Heads bowed. Some in shame that they were not able to rescue the fallen, some in haste wanting to continue the search to find the remaining alive, most out of respect.

"Every second is golden." A report said from outside the yellow tape. "The rescue teams are growing weary, but continue their relentless dig in the hopes of finding more survivors. The more time that passes the less chance of that occurring. This is Tamera Blackly ABC NEWS Washington."

Elliott turned down the volume on the TV. Alex was resting in the bed with tubes and wires hooked up monitoring various body functions. THey said she was fine at the rescue site, but a few minutes inside the hospital, her body began to shut down. Internal bleeding from her spleen and liver. The bone in her left arm had broken and sliced her radial artery. Not serious, but enough to cause blood loss and surgery.

"Stabler!" Elliott yelled and jumped from his chair. He was not expecting the phone to ring, and yet the anxiety of the day was causing him to be too on edge. Six cups of bad black coffee and no food also did not help. Alex stirred at the sudden loud noise.

"Elliott, they were't Olivia." Abbie said calmly in the phone. He hands still shaking from the fear.

"Thank God." Elliott said closing his eyes and saying a quiet "Hail Mary". He rubbed his forehead with a shaky hand.

"How is she?" Abbie asked.

"Stable. She'll pull through. Doc says she may not have full use of her arm, but at least she still has it." Elliott glimpsed back into the room. Alex's eyes were open and she was staring blankly at the TV.

"Elliott!" Both women yelled in unison. Still clenching the phone to his ear, Elliott ran into the room. "something huge is happening." Alex said still focused on the TV.

"Abbey?"

"Yea Elliott. They have something or hear something. Let me get info and call you back. Pray. Pray."

"I have never stopped." Elliott hung up the phone. Lowered himself back into his chair and prayed.


	16. Chapter 16

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.  
**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.  
**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

**Chapter 16: Batter Up!**

"All but three bodies are accounted for." Chief Barker said to the growing crowd of reporters. He read from a sterile white piece of paper. Nothing was written on it but the phrase, _"__Be__somber,__be__firm,__be__calm.__" _ Words he chanted silently in his head has he pretended to answer questions regarding the victims.

"We have 7 fatalities, there are 10 victims at various hospitals in the three state area." He paused and looked through the crowd. He hoped to find a familar face. He recognized some of the reports, but not the familarity he was looking for. "8 others were not present in the structure when the explosion occurred."

"Have they found the couple seen leaving the building?"

"Are they persons of interest in the explosion?"

"We are getting reports that Humanaire is claim responsibility for the bombing."

"Whao!" Abbie stepped in front of the Chief. "Who said this was a bombing? THere has been nothing confirmed about a bombing. The only thing we can confirm is that there was an explosion here at this building and people are and where trapped inside."

"With you and the rest of the DC elite present, it would seem obvious that there was a terrorist attach or elidged terrorist attack." A young well known male reporter from CBS said with authority.

"Last time I checked Mr. Somer, it does not mean because many of the people inside this building had friends on the hill that this was a terrorist attack. It just means that a lot of people care about the people that live here. Its a community whether the victims worked for the government or for Sally's pies."

"She running for office?" Chief Barker asked Alicia Redding, Abbie's second chair.

"No. But if she were." Alicia said with pride. She stepped towards Abbie, who saw her approach.

"More will be explained in our next briefing at 06:00." Abbie turned and walked towards the large bulldozer that was beginning to clear the debris left in piles by the cranes.

"How do I get an interview with her?" Dan Somer asked Alicia.

"YOU don't. I think your better off just staying behind the yellow tape sir." Alicia motioned for the two officers to help him back on the other side of the security tape.

"She'll want to talk to me one day." He shouted.

"No, she'll want to shred you to beef jerky." Alicia said under her breath. She placed her hard hat on her head and walked towards Abbie. Reaching her boss, she handed her the other hard hat she had been carrying.

* * *

The shadows moved in all directions across the gray walls. There was no break in their movement. Alex tried to sleep, but the images of Olivia haunted her. She shook her head trying to erase what she continued to play in her head over and over. She could do nothing but cry.

"You okay?" Elliott awoke when he heard the muffled snobs.

"Yes." Alex said trying to gain control. "No, I am not. I have screwed up so bad. Wasted so much time being scared and now I am more scared."

"Huh? Scared of what?" Elliott was trying to wake up, rid himself of the morning fuzzy. He looked at his watch. 2:34 am. 'It's not morning.'

"Scared I wont see her again. Scared that I spent so much time not showing that I loved her so I would not get hurt that..."

"What? Are you stupid? You wont get hurt. But it was okay to hurt her?" Elliott was up now both mentally and physically. He was pacing the room. Alex watched him through watery eyes going back and forth at the foot of her bed. "I told her to stay away from you both times. You were trouble. I can't wait to tell her I told her so." Elliott was shouting.

"Elliott please. I know I was wrong i know I hurt her over and over, I just couldn't. I just couldn't bring myself to understand how someone so wonderful as her could love someone like me."

"Nether can I." He said curtly. "But she does. I was finally getting her to walk away from you and then, you showed back up."

"She didn't stay long. She took me home. She told me that she loved me but we couldn't be together." Elliott just looked at her. He let her words and his stare collide.

"I know my actions told her the same thing." Alex began to get angry. "God, Elliott how do I make this right? How do I get her back?"

"Alex, we don't even know where she is! You, you , you. That's still all you are talking about. My partner for 13 years is lying in a hole somewhere alive or God forbid dead and all you can think about is you."

"Listen to me you self rightous ass. You are just as much a headache for her as I am. She came home many a night ranting at what a over grown gorilla you were." She hoped he was getting as mad as she was. "You bullied her for the first three years. And now since she wont take your shit you bully everyone else."

"This coming from the cold ice princess! This is rich. I really enjoyed peeling her off the barstool just so that I could sober her up enough to go home to her owe place instead of ending up at yours. Wrecked again!" He had stopped just at the foot of the bed. He was leaning over as far as he could without losing his balance. "You'd kick her to the curb one day and then stroll into our squad room dressed like the she devil so she would go running back."

"Enough!" Both Elliott and Alex turned. A very stern Liz Donnelly stood in the doorway. "Alex you need to rest." She walked towards the bed. "Elliott you need to go back to the site. Things are happening fast." She reached above his head and turned on the TV.

* * *

_The reverberation from the board hitting the pipe was becoming harder and harder to take with each swing. Her desire to get out of the grave was greater then her strength. She needed to rest, but her brain wouldn't let her. _

"_Give it a good one, Olivia." Serena cheered from the stands. Olivia stood at the plate trying to control the butterflies in her stomach. She was excited. Her mom never came to a game, sober. _

"_SWOOOSH." The ball moved past her. She never moved._

"_Keep your head in the game , Benson." Coach yelled._

_Olivia set her steely eyes on the pitcher. Her look so intense, the pitcher threw the next pitch in the dirt just before home plate._

"_BAWL!" The umpire yelled. Olivia stepped back from the plate. She took a couple of practice swings and stepped back into the box. She gave the pitcher her full attention. Mistakenly._

'_She's cute. Kinda skinny, but nice..."_

"_STRIIIIIKE." _

"_Come on Benson. Get your head in the game." Serena was standing now. She started walking down the bleachers._

_The pitch was released. The ball spun towards Olivia. She steady herself, took a batter step forward..._

"Son of a %$^&*!" Olivia missed the pipe. She spun around and fell. She landed on her back. The force of the impact ejected the board from her hand. It slid and landed tettering on the edge of the "gap." Olivia just laid there exhausted.

"I'll just rest a bit." Eyes closed, she rubbed her forhead hoping for relief. The ringing in her ears and pounding in her head, was not forgiving. Her tired body was no match for her panicing brain.

* * *

"So, concusion, broken left arm, bruised eye socket and multiple lacerations." Dr. Ronell reviewed Alex's chart. "From what I hear your a lucky lady."

"So they tell me." Alex fidgited to get comfortable. "Have they brought in any others from the site?"

"There has been two others. Still some trapped, but you need to worry about getting well." The doctor place the stethoscope on Alex's chest. She could hear a faint wheeze in Alex's lungs. She moved the scope to another spot and heard the wheeze a it louder.

"You know you'll be out of here in no time." Liz said. "Then you can come back to New York and work for me or with me I mean."

"Clerk for you?" Alex said somewhat offended.

"No, I stepped down from the bench. I figured it was time to get back to the other side of the table." Alex looked confused. "As a defense attorney."

"Oh. That's, that's interesting. So the bad guys get a great lawyer." Alex gave a wry smile.

"Some of those bad guys are good guys." Liz said. She leaned into Alex's space a little more. "I have been calling you here in Washington to meet with you, but your secretary, we should hire her, that you were busy doing this and that. A very busy person."

"You should have called my cell. Wait, you just came up here to talk with me, not because of the explosion?" Alex was pouting.

"No, Cragen called me this morning, well at 1 am. Told me to turn on the TV." Liz looked down at her hands resting on her lap. "Next thing I knew I was exiting 95 and at the front door of the hospital."

Alex reached out her hand, shaking it slightly to give Liz direction. Liz reached up and took it in hers. She then raised her head to look directly at Alex revealing the tears that were falling.

"Is holding my hand that painful?" Alex tried to make light of the moment.

Liz chuckled. "No, it's knowing I still can." She placed her other hand on top of the already joined pair. "You are my daughter. I never made time for children. Never thought I could be a good parent. But in the years of watching you grow into your own strong woman and knowing I was a part of that, made me realize, I didn't have to give you life, I could just help you shape your own."

"I had missed you when I was gone. After my mother died, I felt lost and alone. I would buy the New York Times, just in hope to find a photo of you or your name in an article. You were a steady point for me, even a thousand miles away."

Both women looked at one another and smiled. A slight knock on the door did not cause them to break their conversation, although there were no words.

"'cuse me." The roundly nurse said. "I have to give you your meds and check your wounds." She placed her "bucket" of medication and bandages on the bed tray.

* * *

The large bucket teeth opened slammed into the pile of the rubble. It wiggled back and forth filling its jaws with building parts. Groanning and popping noises rung out as the broken buildings parts dislodged from it's self.

* * *

_Olivia stepped out onto the balcony. The view was spectacular. Warm air glided across her face wrapping itself around her. She took a deep breath and smiled. THe sun moved from to cloud and kissed her body with its light. She grabbed the railing with both hands and swayed back and forth with the sound of the waves. _

"_Such a beautiful noise." She said in sing-song tone._

"_Such a beautiful woman." Trevor moved to stand behind her. Olivia stiffened. She began to panic. Without turning around she swung herself over the railing, and letting go of it began to fall._

* * *

_Sorry all. I have been tying to get college pas done for daughter #2. THey went off yesterday! Now i can get back to the story. _


	17. Chapter 17

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

**Chapter 17: We have lift off!**

The snake began its way through the opening. Bending around rebar, over concrete chunks.

"Damn it! another dead end." The camera shouted. The group of rescue workings leaning over his shoulder took a few steps away. Quiet a few rescuers had gathered around the monitor. Hoping the snake camera could help in finding the remaining two missing people.

"Let's see if the jaw can pick up some more of the building." The Chief said. Lieutenant Barker waved in the direction of the crane operator.

The beast's engine turned over twice before its roar filled the air and a plume of black smoke spit out. The great arm lurched forward its fingers reaching for the its prey.

'Warm, beautiful. she smells so good.' Olivia smiled. She resisted the urge to touch the sleeping beauty. Gently she peeled back the sheets just enough so that she could get out of the bed. She cringed as her feet hit the cold floor. The cold air wrapped around her sending chills through her naked form. Her right foot began to tingle. The sensation moved up her calf. Alarms went off. She felt it move. Rapidly.

"Agh! Agh! Roach Roach!" She screamed. She danced side to side. Yelling and shaking. A blinding white light filled the room.

"There!" Elliott exclaimed pointing at the monitor. "Go more to the left." Elliott's anxiety was beginning to spill over to the others watching.

"More left."

"Go down. Keep going. Keep going."

"Stop!" The crowd shouted in unison.

Elliott reached for the monitor. His pointer finger traced the burred shape.

"Pull in closer." Abbey ordered. Elliott didn't need a close-up.

* * *

_'You cant' come with my my darling, Olivia.' Serena brushed the stray strands of hair from Olivia's eyes. 'Why do you hide from the world? You are so beautiful and kind, yet you hide yourself.' Serena placed her hand under Olivia's chin. Gently raising her daughter's face so the two were eye to eye._

'She loves you. Its okay to love.' Serena smile warmly. 'I was not the best teacher, but I do love you. You are precious being I did not deserve, but blessed to have in my life.'

_The light behind Serena became bright again. Olivia stepped back slightly and raised her hand to shield her eyes. Serena turned to go towards the light. Olivia reached for her hand._

_'You cannot come with me now. Someday.' With that Serena vanished._

_'MOM!' Olivia shouted. She felt herself begin to fall._

* * *

"How long till you can get people in there safely to get her out?" The Chief asked the rescue squad leader.

Arthur Foley, leads a team of expert search and rescue professionals. The "squad" is comprised of US Army special team members, Navy Seals, US Forest Fire and Aviations officers and a few civilians specializing in various essential skills. Arthur is an optimist working in a world that thrives on pessimism.

"If we use the helicopter, with the firetrucks providing the spray and caution, I'd say," He rubs his chin for effect. He knows exactly how long it will take and how to do it with minimal injury and problems. "Give us an hour and we'll have someone down there."

He glances past the Chief to two of his best climbers, they begin to harness themselves.

"Wait a minute. How the hell are you going to do this?" Elliott is panicking. "How are you going to do this without having the rest of the building collapse on her?"

"See those two over there." Arthur was pointing to the two men attaching cables and small hand tools to their safety harnesses. "Those two are the best climbers in the US."

"So they can go up, but"

"But nothing. When your the best going up, your the best going back down. I would not send them down there if I didn't think they could get her out." Arthur walked away from the group towards his team. Elliott was quick on his heels followed by Abbie.

"You got a lot of unknown down there. If it looks dicey get the hell out of there." Arthur instructed the two rescuers. Elliott stood a far distance away. He was leery of the this "squad".

'These guys are puny they couldn't safe a cat from a tree.' He watched the pair but on thin ballistic jackets. The jackets offer protection from most of the perturbing bits of the building. One of the rescuers took of their ball cap, long dark hair cascaded down landing just below her collar.

"Like to be rescued by her." Abbie said. "Bet Olivia won't mind at all either."

He could save her. He has many times.

"Relax Elliott. Your job is to stay up here and worry. Not be the Hulk and bear your way through this mess." Abbie placed her hand on his shoulder. "They'll get her out. Now that we found her, they'll bring her back."

* * *

News of the new rescue attempt was already being broadcasted. Olivia's official officer photo was being flashed on TV. Alex could not bring herself to turn off the TV or change the channel. It would be no use. If she closed her eyes and rested, she'd still see Olivia.

"Diane, they are not sure if the victim is alive, however, the rescue team is sending down two of its best members to at least determine if the assumed body is that of Detective Olivia Benson."

"Tricia, what makes them think it is Detective Benson?"

"Well Diane. Her partner, one Elliott Stabler, Detective Stabler, was able to recognize her when they sent the snake down through the debris. Although it was not able to get very close to her, I have been told her recognized a piece of jewelry that the victim, Detective Benson, wears."

"What was it exactly?"

"That is unclear. But sources say its something she was given by her mother or was from her mother."

"And as we know Detective Benson's mother died tragically eight years ago from a fall down subway steps in New York. Tricia keep us posted."

"We'll do Diane."

Alex yanked the sheets off of her and barely had herself out of bed before she had Elliott's speed dialed.

"Pick up the phone!" She shouted at the ringing.

"You have reached 201-555..."

She pressed redial without moving the phone from her right ear. She was greeted by more endless ringing and voicemail. After the tenth attempt at calling Elliott she threw her phone down in defeat. She began to pace the room, pausing only to look up at the TV.

Abbie debated whether to call Alex or just wait and let Elliott return the call. He had left his cell phone by the monitor when he went to "help" the rescue squad.

"I'd wanna know." She said.

"Elliott, thank God. Do you know how many times"

"Alex, its.."

" I tried to call you? "

Alex! ALEX!"

"You promised to keep me updated and I have to hear..." Alex realized the voice on the other end was not Elliott's. "Abbie?"

"Yes. Elliott is "helping" the rescue squad." Abbie looked over her shoulder to check for progress. "They are sending two climbers down to see if they can reach her."

"So it is her?" Alex's voice began to crack. Tears began to pool in her eyes.

"Yes, we are sure." Abbie braced herself for the next question.

"And is she," Alex caught her breath. Her gentle sobs began to grow stronger.

Abbie closed her eyes. The sound of Alex's crying bent her resolve to hold off her own.

"At this point it's unclear." Her southern drawl waivering. She did her best to gather herself. As she spoke to the 'other woman.'

"How are you feeling? " She tried to sound concerned.

"I feel trapped and helpless." Alex said. She wiped her tears with the back of her right hand.

"I know. Hang in there." She didn't want to give Alex false hope, but she was actually understanding her position. "They said it would take an hour to reach her. Its already been," She looks at her own phone. She had started the timer on it the moment the rescuers began their descent. "20 minutes. Look the moment I know something new, I'll call you."

"You will? Thank you." Alex felt a little less helpless. She started talking before she thought about her words. "Abbie, I know we have not always been the best of friends. Well friends. But that you for letting me not just sit here and worry."

Abbie rolled her eyes. 'Friendemies is more like it.' She did her best to be nice again. "Don't thank me yet. Let's get her out of there first." She pulled the phone from her ear so she would not have to her anymore from the one woman she wished she could be.

* * *

"Detective Benson." Sally Min shouted to the figure below. She could see the motionless figure below. "Detective Benson!" She yelled once more.

Above all were listening to here if there would be a reply.

Min lowered herself further. It was difficult. No solid place for footing. Particles falling. Sharp objects. Both She and the other climber, Ben Prior, were careful not to have object hit the woman below.

Min turned her head once more towards the figure below. Her helmet light shined on the body. A clear picture of the body was transmitted above.

"IT'S HER!" Elliott shouted. So loud that Abbie started running towards the rescue site. The climbers below could hear him. The still figure could hear him.

Prior set his foot on a protruding piece of rebar. He tried to stabilize so that he could get a better view. See if any life was visible. He hung just feet above. Moving his head to allow the light to search the body and the area around it.

"Officer Benson. Can you hear me?" Min called softly. There was no response. "I'm going to lower myself closer. Check and see the stability of the surface."

"I'll keep it illuminated." Prior offered. He truly had not desire to land on the small and seemingly unstable surface.

With a thumbs up, Min ascended again. The lower she went the more unstable the remains appeared to be. She stopped ten feet from Olivia. She heard tremors echo through the wreckage. Flipping on her head lamp again, she scanned her surroundings.

"Base." She called.

"This is base go ahead."

"The area is increasingly unstable. We need to extract the body quickly." She looked down at Olivia. Still motionless. "Send the body lift down, I should be in position in 2."

'Copy that."

"Officer Benson. I am going to land next to you.' Min started lower herself again. "Can you signal that you hear me." Nothing. Min landed gently next to Olivia. She quickly pulled her gloves off. A quick sweep of the lifeless woman.

"Base. She has a head laceration. appears to have a broken arm. Cut on her left cheek. " Min reached out and checked for a pulse. "She has a pulse."

"YES!" Elliott exclaimed.

"Hot Damn." Abbey shouted. they moved in for a high five, but thought better of it.

"Its weak, but its there." Min sighed in relief. "Officer Benson can you hear me?"

"I got the stretcher." Prior acknowledged. He slowly made his way down. He kept his light positioned below.

Min check Olivia's eyes. "Pupils are fixed and dilated. Olivia. We're going to move you onto a stretcher. Pull you out of here." Min began to rollup Olivia's sleeve on her good arm. She pulled the medical bag from her back. Opening it, she took out an alcohol swab. She placed a rubber truncate just above Olivia's elbow. Wiped the area of a suitable vein. She then removed the needle end of the tubing and stuck it in Olivia's arm. She and Olivia were now tethered.

"I've started an IV and..." Min felt a tug on her bag. Olivia motioned weakly with her index finger for Min to come closer.

"Its Detective Benson." Olivia did not smile. "Next time, tell me before you stick me."

* * *

Almost out!


	18. Chapter 18

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**Chapter 18: Powdered Eggs**

The explosive rush of emergency personnel jetting through the ER turned very few heads. The entourage of police, firefighters and press did cause some to stir. Straining their necks to get a good look at the large mass moving down the hallway. The TV hung from the corner of the waiting room provided all the information they needed.

"Travis, look we're on TV?" A large woman of color said to the half asleep teenager to her right.

"¡Parece mamá buena!" The young girl said cuddling the crying toddler.

"Lacerations are superficial to the arms and torso. Cut above left eye is 6 inches with debris. Bleeding contained in the field." Min cited from recent memory.

"You folks are going to have to wait here!" The petite nurse shouted at the reporters, rescue squad and half the population of DC.

"I'm her partner!" Elliott grumbled.

"I'm her part ugh boss." Abbie said flashing her badge.

"And these are my security team." The nurse said as three rather large, armed men took their places on each side of her. One stepped forward towards Elliott.

"We'll wait." Abbie said touching Elliott on the arm. She ushered him to a row of chairs near the window.

Cautiously she peered down the hall. First left and then right. Nurse's station busy. Dinner trays being distributed. Stepping with confidence, Alex existed her room wrapped in her London Fog still riddled with soot and headed to the elevator. As luck would have it, the elevator doors opened upon her arrival. Smiling, she stepped inside.

"HOLD the elevator!"came from just steps behind her. She glanced up and cringed. She recognized the face. 'Dan Somer', the pushy reporter from the news. He had a jittery, in a hurry look about him.

"One please." He demanded. Alex moved to press the elevator "1" button. Her left side let her know that was not such a good idea. "Auhhha." She grunted.

"I'll just get it." Somer said irritated. The jolt of the elevator was enough to force an already unsteady Alex into the elevator wall. This time the pain was harder to hide.

"Shit!" Alex yelled. Somer did not react, nor look in her direction. He began primping himself using the stainless steel elevator doors as a mirror. Moving his hair just enough to keep the boyishness of what remained of his good looks. Even through teary eyes Alex could tell he was much older then he looked on TV.

"What is taking the elevator so long!" He exclaimed. "First I miss that Cabot woman for a scoop and now I going to miss the other survivor." He tapped his foot and looked angrily at the floor numbers above the door. "Come on Come ON! If she scoops me again I'll kill her."

Alex just watched, hiding the pain as the elevator lowered to the first floor. It stopped with a much softer jolt. The doors were barely open before he stepped out into the mass frenzy of the ER. Alex took a breath and gently pushed herself from the wall. She stepped from the elevator doors and was engulfed with the harrowing sounds of people in stress.

"CLEAR!" yelled the intern. Two sharp beeps all eyes on the monitor. The straight line sent all back into action. The nurse forcing air into Olivia's lungs. Methodic compressions were applied to her chest.

"Charge to 350." Two counts. "CLEAR!" Two sharp beeps. A third resonates, then a fourth. "She's back. Get her to the MRI."

"Wait!" Min warned. "She was under the rubble of the building. Metal fragments are probably all over her body."

"Good catch." Intern Garcia praised. "Get a portable X-RAY and alert the OR we have one on the way." Garcia took his gloves off and throw them in the trash. Taking a deep breathe, he headed for the waiting room.

The force of the door opening caused Elliott and Abbie to look up. Garcia met their eyes and headed for them.

"You're with Officer Benson?" Garcia asked.

"Special Agent Benson." Abbie corrected. "She worked in my office."

"And she was my partner." Elliott added. He saw the hesitation in the doctor's face. "I was her partner on the force in New York."

"Understand. Unfortunately I can't share her condition with you. However, I have a few quick questions." He looked for acknowledgement.

"Does she have any medical hardware in her body?"

"Not that I am aware of." Elliott answered. "Nor does she have a bullet or fragments."

"Any pre existing injuries, chronic illness or other medical conditions?"

"She was stabbed once." Abbie noted.

"Nothing else that I know of." Elliott added.

"She has a rare blood disorder." The answer came from just the left of the group. All turned.

"Alex." Elliott stood and moved towards her. He gave her a hug and lead her to his seat. Both she and Abbie adjusted their positions so that they did not come in contact.

"Ms.,"

"Cabot. Alex Cabot US Attorney's office." She said firmly but shy. "Her mother was of Mediterranean decent. It causes the blood to clout."

"Do you recall what it is called?" Garcia had taken out a notepad and began to write out what he had heard.

Alex thought for a moment. "Its a protein S deficiently. It can mimic Lupus."

"That explains a few things." The doctor added.

Alex was hesitant in asking the next question. "What is her condition?"

"as I said before, I can only give the information to the next of kin." The ER doors opened.

"Dr. Garcia your wanted in room 3." The stern nurse from before barked. She gave the group an authoritative stare.

"You can tell me. I am the next of kin." Alex said desperately. "She's my wife."

"What the..." Elliott said wide eyed. Abbie's jealousy rose within her body.

"We are taking her to the OR." Garcia said standing. "I will have the PA come out and tell you more about her condition." With that he disappeared through the ER doors.

Alex felt all eyes on her. Elliott's in confusion, Abbie's in disbelief. Alex closed her's and said a quick prayer.


	19. Chapter 19

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

OUT OF NEW YORK

**Chapter 19: "I now pronounce.."**

Air thick with distain. Elliott's brain was working overtime. 'Did he miss something?' Heat from Abbie's anger sent a chill, shaking through Alex. She pulled the overcoat tighter around her form. Unsure of where to start, she dove in.

"While I was gone," Alex caught Elliott's questionable stare. "WPP. I was worried when I left my mother. I am, I was her only child."

"Okay, so it still doesn't explain the 'wife'." Elliott said

"I was her directive. The keeper of the estate from my father and the caretaker of my mother. Since I could not be there, I had to have someone I trusted to look after things."

She paused. She did her best to control her emotions. She didn't want to be explaining herself, she wanted to know what was happening with Olivia. "I couldn't have another relative take the responsibility. There was too much money and other details to trust someone in my family with. The money would be too tempting and the other details would be ignored." Pausing to keep her brain from spilling everything, Alex looked at each member of her small audience. Elliott was beginning to soften. Abbie, still a look of disgust.

"So your excuse was you couldn't trust anyone with your money?" Abbie said wide eyed with an unbelieving tone.

"NO!" Alex exclaimed. She decided to just spill everything, quickly. "I could not trust anyone to insure my mother would be taken care of in her final days. Olivia and I had kept in contact secretly through Hammond." She turned towards Elliott. "Elliott do you remember when Olivia took a leave and went to work for the computer intel division?" Elliott shook his head yes. "She was working there, but she was also working with Hammond to keep me safe. Long story short, I had papers drawn up giving her power of attorney over my mother's estate and my subsequent estate. She held, holds, the medical directive for my mom and for me."

"For such a control freak like you that must have been hard to hand over." Abbey stated not asked.

"Not hard because I trust Olivia." Alex was getting irritated herself. "She decided since she had no one," She looked sympathetically at Elliott. "she would make me hers. Therefore,"

"Making you each in the eyes of modern law spouses of sorts." Abbie finished.

"Of sorts." Alex said with relief. Abbey seemed to be relaxing, which helped Alex in her own efforts to relax. She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. Her mind escaping to Olivia and the stolen time they spent.

* * *

'"_I could stay here forever." Olivia said placing a glass of wine on the side table next to Alex. Alex sat comfortably on a lounge chair. Her eyes although hidden behind sunglasses, were closed. Sea air still warm from the day, lightly touched her exposed skin. Olivia stood starring at the beautiful woman. She still took her breath away. Blonde or brunette. Emily or Alex. Her desire to bend and kiss the glorious exposed skin nearly over took her resolve. The pure mental image of the act was no longer satisfying. _

"_Are you going to sit or is the view better from there?" Alex said half joking, fully hoping her earlier intentions were being played. She took a deep breath. Pulling in the simple smell of sandalwood and clove through her body. It began to react to the simple pleasure. _

"_Don't you just love the smell of the ocean?" Olivia said diverting the discussion away from her earlier thoughts. She took a long slip of her wine. The sweet, smooth taste of the wine, though wonderful, was not the diversion she was hoping. It only further pulled her into the want of the smooth, honey skin. "Dinner?"_

"_Huh?" Alex said shaken from her fantasy. "Did you say dinner?"_

_Olivia acted like she was rewinding the earlier question and shook her head. "Yep, I'm hungry. You?"_

"_For me?" Alex said teasing. She did not expect what happened next._

"_If only the service was that good." Olivia said resting her head on the back of the chair. A smile on her face. She let the silence sit for a minute. Alex sat stunned, with a happy tingle. When she was able, she stood and walked over to the railing. She peered down to the sandy beach and watch the wave move effortlessly back and forth. The gentle stroke of the sand and the water melting into it. The red and pink glow from above made the sense of pure beauty. She did not move when the arms cautiously wrapped around her waist. She only wiggled slightly to make them tighter. So that she too could melt into them. _

"_One million minutes." Olivia whispered in her ear. The sound of her voice so close once again gave Alex a tingle of joy. _

"_And now no more." Alex said turning still inside the arms that so lovingly held her. The arms that gave her security and strength. The woman that she loved. Their lips touched . The world melted.'_

* * *

"She's pale. Her breathing is threaded. Pulse rate is 30, BP 60/40." The PA shouted over the crowd of medical staff. Each taking control of their understood role in aiding this patient. The doctor shined his light in her eyes.

"Pupils fixed and dilated." He said as he placing the light in his pocket and reaching for his stethoscope.

"What happened?" the doctor asked Elliott.

"I don't know. One minute she's talking to us and the next she's out cold." Elliott said worriedly. Despite their differences regarding Olivia, he did respect Alex.

"Doctor." The PA called. She peeled back the bandage on Alex's abdomen. A bloody green mixture had collected at her wound.

"Call infectious. They are going to need to be involved. I am sorry Mr.."

"Elliott. Elliott Stabler."

"You're going to have to leave now." The doctor turned and reached for a full gown hanging on the wall. Most of the staff in the emergency room had already begun to suit up.

"Is she going to be all right?" Elliott stammered. He was worried.

"Please you need to leave now or you'll be in quarantine." The head nurse from earlier escorted him from the room. She pulled the room door shut and place the yellow caution sign on the door. Elliott stood motionless.

* * *

"For this breaking report, we go to Todd Exler." The plastic smiling anchor said. Her contact lens blue eyes glanced to the monitor to her left.

"Samantha, the FBI has updated their bulletin for the search of two suspects. They have been identified as 32 year old, Petra Listdoc and 29 year old Gotrev Notred. They here on diplomatic visas from Peru."

"Todd, are you saying the are Peruvian diplomats?"

"Yes and no. They are here on travel visas. They are part of an entourage to Washington for the North and South American economic summit."

"So, they are peruvian nationals?"

"Actually, Petra Listdoc is from the office of communications with the South African counsel. Gotreve Notred is with the Peruvian government."

"Hang on a moment, Todd." The anchor fashioned a well manicured index finger to her ear piece. Shaking her head in acknowledgement, you could almost hear the rattle, she scribbled a few notes on her script. "Todd, we are being told, unconfirmed, that one of the suspects has been found in an alley near by. However we do not know which one nor their condition."

"Right, Eliza. There is a buzz here that we will have another briefing by the FBI Director in a few moments. I will get back with you." He rolled his eyes and turned from the camera. Unfortunately, it was not off, and he was still broadcasting.

* * *

'That's the funniest thing I have seen all day." Munch said from his position in the captain's office. He, Finn and Cragen were huddle around a small flat screen that teetered on the credenza just opposite the captain's desk.

Finn gave the Captain a quick glance. There was no emotion coming from the man he admired.

"How about we get out of here and grab some lunch?" Finn asked the two other men. He was looking a Cragen when he asked.

Munch, being the insightful detective that he is, realized it was just a formality invite for him. Cragen was the real intended guest.

"I've got to do some DD5s and then testify in one of the three moron of the month cases I have right now." He walked over to the captain and placed his hand on his shoulder. The usually solid, square shouldered gentleman, was but a wither of himself underneath Munch's hand. "I got this. And besides, if something comes up about Liv, you have a phone. I can reach you anytime anywhere. Well except for the.."

Cragen held up his hand to stop Munch. "I got it John, no need for explanation." He stood from leaning on the corner of his desk. "Right now I could use a stiff drink. So we better make it Italian. Garlic is the only thing that is stronger then a scotch to me right now."

"And more powerful for your breathe." Finn said following the captain out of the office door.

* * *

My apologizes to any of you from Peru or South Africa. These only will make sense as you read. I will have another one before weeks end.

Enjoy.


	20. Chapter 20

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

**Chapter 20: Don't throw the baby out with the bath water!**

"Ms. Benson." The PA looked over the crowd. "Ms. BENSON." She shouted a bit louder. She scanned the room once more. A tall brunette rose from the couch just under the "Emergency" sign. 'She's..WOW!' The PA said to herself.

Abbie reached the stunning blonde. "I am here for Ms. Benson."

If Abbie knew the PA, she would have seen the disappointment on her face, but the benefit of being strangers helped.

"I was told that Ms. Benson's spouse was here."

"She is in YOUR emergency room back there somewhere." Abbie said irritated.

"As a patient or with another patient?" The look on Abbie's face instantly made the PA regretful of asking the question.

"Geeze! She's a patient." Abbie let her eyes shift quickly to the name tag on the other woman's unavoidable chest. "PA Ashcord, what is it that you need?"

"First what is your relationship to Ms. Benson?"

"I am her boss. And her friend." Abbie began to feel dizzy. This was just way too crazy of a day. "Olivia, egh, Ms. Benson is an employee of the US Government. Her health and safety is of the utmost concern of the US Attorney's office." She took another deep breath and regained control. "Now, PA Ashcord, what is it that you need?"

"Ms. Benson is still in surgery." She glanced at her notes. "She had had her shoulder and right arm pinned." She flipped the page. "They repaired the descending aorta walls near the arch. However, she has lost enough blood to warrant concern of a transfusion. " She looked up from her pad. "She's rare A+. Our blood bank has no A+ and only two O+. She needs at least two." She stopped for a second. She looked at Abbey straight in the eye. 'Big brown eyes she noted. Strong yet kind eyes. Melt in my seat if I wasn't standing in this ER eyes'

"What are you?" She inquired.

"Assistant US Attorney." Abbey replied.

"No, blood type? What blood type?" Now it was her turn to be annoyed.

"O-. The universal donor." Abbey said with pride.

"Great. I'll send someone from the bank down here right away to draw a pint." She smiled. "You might want to see if any of the sleeping soldiers over there are O's or A's."

"I don' care what they are, they are donating." Abbey said as she watched the curvy blonde walk back through the double doors. She strolled over to the waiting room where a fairly large crowd of rescue team members, several US Attorney officers and firefighters where in various stage of sleep.

"Okay all, I know its been a long day." A rush of air came from across the room. Elliott exited the double doors followed by a very upset nurse's aid. He spotted Abbie and moved quickly towards her. She held up her hand to stop him from saying anything.

"I know you all are tired. I need to ask for one more thing from each of you. One of our victims, Officer Benson, needs blood. The blood bank is low. I need each of you to donate a pint to help fill the blood bank." A few of the officers and firefighters stood up and began rolling up their sleeves. "For those of you that are A positive or negative or O positive or negative, you need to go first."

"I am not sure what I am." A fidgety man said sitting just outside the group. Everyone turned an looked at him. Abbie smiled and walked towards him.

"Sir, I was not implying that civilians donate." She bent down so that she was at his seated level.

"I was in the gulf war. Once a soldier always a soldier." He said proudly. "Besides, it will give me something to do while I wait for my wife to finish getting her "painful" boil taken care of." He shock his head sarcastically.

"I am in." Another gentleman rose from his seat and moved towards the group. Chairs began to empty and a line formed at the nurses station.

* * *

**Three days later**

"You're lucky." the doctor said checking her eyes. Still fixed and dilated. "Now if we can have you wake up, you'd win the lottery." He ran the tip of his pen cap from her heel to her big toe. No movement. He placed the sheet back over her exposed limbs.

"How is she doing today?" The nurse asked entering the room. She place a plastic tub on the bedside tray. She floated around the room gathering things. She placed the liquid soap, washing sponge and a dry towel.

Writing in her chart on the remaining portion of the table. "Mary, she shows no change."

She brushed the hair from the younger woman's face, "Doctor, she looks like she has more color today."

"That's what I love about you, Mary, always an optimist."

"Well, when you work in a hospital, its either doom or happiness." She began to fill the tub with warm water. Steam rose from the tub and she adjusted the faucet. "There is happiness in each day, someday's its just harder to see." She placed the tub back on the table. The doctor lifted the chart, and she pulled the table closer.

"Well, I shall leave you to it. And I'll go find the happiness for today."

Mary's attention had already turned back to the woman lying in the bed. She was younger then Mary, but not by much. Mary ran the warm, soapy wash towel across the younger woman's forehead. She carefully moved across the face and down the neck. The patient's bare arms and torso were already exposed, just a thin white starched sheet covered her. While Mary gently cleaned the pale skin she carried on a conversation. Although one sided, Mary knew from her readings in the AMA journal that patients can actually hear when in a coma.

Mary was careful when cleansing the torso. "So many scares. You have been through a lot in your life haven't you?" She expected no answer back. She didn't get one. "You should be home raising a family. I hear the law is like medicine, a demanding mistress," Mary wrung out towel and took it and the bucket and moved towards the sink. She empty the dirty soapy water and replaced it with clean warm water. She began wiping the soapy residue from the patient's face.

"You are beautiful I am surprised some man isn't in here by your bedside. Holding your hand. Praying your okay." Mary shook her head in despair. "Don't let life slip by you like I almost did. I almost waited too long to marry Daniel. Without him my world would just be flat." She had finished rising the young woman. She grabbed the dry towel and started patting her off. She was careful around the various tubes and wires attached to the torso and arms.

Satisfied with her work, MAry gathered her things and walked towards the door. She turned back. She placed the younger woman's hand in hers. She began to pray. First the Hail Mary. Then a prayer of hope.

"Lord please let this brave woman continue to grace us here on earth. Heal her wounds so that she can go forth and do your work." She made the sign of the cross on herself and then she did the same for the other woman. One last glance and she gathered her things again and walked out of the room. She nodded at the police officer standing at the door.

"Best keep her safe until I get back." She warned the officer. He tipped his hat in.

"Amen." A weak, soft voice said from inside the room.

* * *

Sorry all. Its been a world wind here. Parents, graduation and work travels, there never is enough time.


	21. Chapter 21

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**OUT OF NEW YORK**

**Chapter 21:** The weak are not alone...

He watched the dust dance in the sunlight. the little particles dove and swirled without help from him. Effortless.

'So easy. If only it was that effortless. If only.' His tears long since dried. All shed before the impact was fully felt by Olivia. 'How could it be?' Olivia lied still in her bed. Medically induced coma. 'Better for her to heal.' He recalled the doctors telling him.

'What about when she wakes up.?'

All so surreal.

* * *

"Who knew breathing could be so...mesmerizing." Liz Donnelly said. Her hand touching the shoulder of the woman she knows only as a daughter now.

"All of this is so terrifying." Abbie allowed her emotions to escape. "To survive the drug cartel and then have this happen. Humanity is full of creatures."

"How is the investigation going?" Liz inquired adjusting herself in the green naugahyde chair. Her bed for the foreseeable future. Abbie began to speak in official protest.

"Don't" Liz scolded. "We have lost and have our own lives on hold because of this..this unspeakable act. Remember, I taught you how to speak without talking."

Abbie carefully reviewed the information she had kept hidden in her brain's files. There were things she could say without saying. Liz has known her for a long time, was her boss for awhile. She'll figure it out.

"The soldier that drove Olivia to the building, turns out he had nothing to do with the crime. He was just there by short straw. He will receive a fully military funeral."

"The rest."

"The one from the alley, Notred, a pawn. He met Petra Listdoc at the last summit in Chili."

"Love is strange."

"Petra. Stone in Greek. Cold person. Not her first."

"Do we know where she is?" Liz places a cold wet cloth on Alex's lips. Most of the water drained down the sides. She then took a salve and gently rubbed it on Alex's lips. "Don't want her lips to dry out." She says without looking at Abbie.

Abbie takes a closer look at her mentor. Her usually perfect hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail. Dark circles framed her pain filled eyes. Her skin was pale. She looked as fragile as she was emotionally.

"Excuse me."

Abbey turned. Blonde hair, brown hair, smells like lilacs. "PA Ashcord. Nice to see you again." The blush on Abbie's face was hard to disguise.

"Likewise." Ashcord said moving past her. She stopped at Alex's bedside and began looking at the bedside chart. She compared what she had in the official chart with the bedside fluids chart. Her eyes scanned to the fluid bags attached to the IV pole. Three bags in all. One saline, one feeding tube bag and the last medication. Drip rates. Check. Bag levels. Saline a third full. Feeding bag half full. Meds a third. She reviewed the drip rates again and marked an estimated time for the bags to be replaced in the chart.

"Everything going well?" Liz asked.

"Yes. Her fluid intake and..." Ashcord bent to look at the urine bag that hung from the side of the bed. No longer the dark murky yellow. Good. "Her output is promising."

"When will she wake up?" Abbie wanted to be a least in a part of the conversation.

"As we have told you before, when we see that the infection is irraticated and her fluids are balanced, we will then wake her." Ashcord said curtly. Abbie looked at her sadly. Ashcord broke eye contact. She placed her pen in her pocket, the bed chart back in place. "I'll have the nurse visit in an hour. You should go and get some rest Ms. Donnelly."

"I am fine." Liz said. Ready to ask Abbie a lot of questions once the PA left. "When will the doctor be in?" 'Let's see if there is anymore heat between the two.' Liz asked herself.

"The doctor will be in to check the wounds when the nurse comes. Actually, there will be a small army with him, so it will get crowded in here. That might be the best time to take a break." She glanced at Abbie. It was not warm.

"Think I'll stay." Liz said. "I'll just shower and have my oldest her run out and get us some decent food." Liz looked at Abbie. "No offense on the cafeteria."

"Not my department. Besides I bring mine. Don't really have the time." Ashcord turned and walked towards the door. " I will see you then in a few hours." She did not look at Abbie when she passed her in the doorway.

"Well, hate to ask what that was about." Liz said relieved that there was something more fun to talk about besides the case.

"Well, then don't." Abbie said. Her head turned towards the hallway now. She was watching the PA at the nurse's desk just down the hall. "i'll be right back." Without waiting for an answer, she was out the door and headed towards the PA.

"Tracy." Abbie said a few steps from the nurse's desk. Ashcord did not acknowledge her. "Tracy, please. Can we have a moment?"

"We did." Tracy said in a hushed voice. Hoping that Abbie would just leave her alone.

"Please, just walk with me while I get lunch for Liz." Abbie was shocked at hearing herself plead. "Just let me explain."

Tracy placed the chart back into the filer and turned from the nurses desk. As she passed Abbie, "I have patients. And not the kind needed to date you." Abbie stood for just a second to gather her words. She took a few long strides and reached the blonde before she entered the next patient's room.

"Three dates. Three great dates all ending the next morning. One lousy run in with an ex and this." Abbie put her best pain look. 'It works in court.'

"I have to finish with my rounds." Tracy said pushing open the door and entering the room. Abbie stood and watched the door closed. The cheerful greetings on the other side. 'Man, she's a good actress.'

She lowered her head and headed for the elevator.

* * *

"How'z she do'n?" Cregan said quietly. His two best locked in a grim state.

"No change." Elliott didn't take his eyes from his partner. "no change, no change, no change." Tears were filling their previous path down his cheeks.

Cregan reached out and touched Elliott's shoulder. "Son, breathe. She knows your here. She just needs the time to heal. The doctors know what they are doing."

"Yes, but will she hang on?"

"Olivia is strength. She's not ready to stop living. She just needs time." Cregan looked out the window. Rain hit the window and slowly streamed down the glass. A mirror of his insides. He only cried once before. Many years have past, but the feeling of loss was filling his heart again.

"When was the last time you were home?"

"Kathy came here last weekend. Dicky stayed. He's at the hotel finishing his term paper." Elliott was reminded of a conversation he had with Olivia.

"_You'd make a great mother. A kid would be lucky to have you."_

"_Tell that to the foster care people. They turned me down." Olivia didn't have to look at Elliott to know he would have a puzzled look. _

"_Plenty of single women adopt children." _

"_I am never home. My job is not exactly inviting of children."_

"She has no one. I have this family and she has no one. She deserves better." Elliott stood and brushed past the captain.

"She has us."

"A bunch of cops who at the end of the day go home to their real families. Sure we celebrate victories together, we have or are suppose to have each other's backs, we spend hours in our cars, at the precinct, but we all go home to someone. She goes home to nothing. Not even a pet." He wiped the tears with the back of his hand.

"And Alex. What do you think Alex will mean to her?"

"If she lives. Who knows. With her vanity and emotional shut downs. Who knows what she will be like when she wakes up. If she does."

"Then we will make sure that we are here to support both of them."

"I won't watch Alex tear her apart again." Elliott turned. His anger was not hidden in his tone nor on his face.

"Something tells me that is not possible anymore." Cregan looked down on the lifeless body. His heart broke.


	22. Chapter 22

**DISCLAIMER:** The copyrighted characters of any TV program, movie, or published work of fiction are the property of their owners/creators. In this case, Law and Order SVU and Dick Wolfe. No copyright infringement is intended and nothing is being made. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Feedback is greatly appreciated (good or bad). Single quotes indicate thoughts. The subject is sensitive and I will stick to the medical facts as best I can.

**ARCHIVING:** Only with the permission of the author.

* * *

**Chapter 22: Hold what you can closely.**

"How is she doing?" Abbie asked entering Olivia's room. Her eyes fixed upon the sleeping woman. "She looks so peaceful."

"Yes. If anything good comes of this its that she got rest." Don said as he stood. He moved around the bed so that he was standing next to Abbie. "Doctor says she is healing well. We won't know the extent of the damage if any until she wakes up."

"Let's hope there is none." Abbie said. She brushed her hand across Olivia's face.

"Alex? How is she?"

"Liz is keeping a close watch on her." Abbie worriedly. "I just don't know what she is going to do when she wakes up."

"We'll help her take one step at a time." Don reassured her. He reached out and pulled Abbie into a side hug. She leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"How is this all possible?"

"Not sure. But it is." He caressed Abbie's arm in an attempt to soothe her. "We'll get them. They'll know what its like to be them." He nodded towards the woman in the the bed. His daughter. Not by blood, but closer.

* * *

**New York City**

Tires screeched to a stop. Six sets in all. No lights, just a lot of noise. Doors fly open. Black pant legs exit from each side. Standard issue black non skid soles. Various sizes hitting the pavement at the same time. Blue, red and neon green piping, black and orange non skid soles half tops, double knotted led the way.

"You and your suit friends go around the back and flank the sides." Fin quietly said.

"Flank? Did you just use the word flank?" Munch acted like a proud papa.

Rolling his eyes. "I took your advise. I watched a few episodes of F.B.I. Did you know that Dragnet guy was in it?"

"Yes. I modeled myself after him early in my career."

"Really? You still got the clothes, but your a softy now." Fin chuckled. He motioned to Munch, "You ready?"

"Go." Each took a stance on opposite sides of the front door. Careful to make sure if gun fire came, they would not be standing in its direct path. Finn knocked hard.

"Police. Open the door and put your hands up!" He shouted. "Like that ever works." he whispered to Munch. One more quick knock.

"On my count." Munch said in the radio. "One Mississippi, two miss.."

"For the sanity of the world John."

"Three."

The canister bounced between the two of them. End over end. The hollow aluminum sound was confusing at first. Eyes wide simultaneously, the partners looked at one another motionless. The canister stopped just before the bottom stair. Finn reached and pulled John over the railing. Jumping after him. The basement apartment entry way was a safe haven. Black smoke began to spew from the lid. And then they heard them.

Three little girls playing hopscotch just across the street. The air went black. Piercing innocent sounds and then red.

Concrete, car parts, splinters of the tree just off the stoop rained down. Shielding themselves from the debris, they were unable to see the three little girls. The ringing in their ears prevented any sound from registering.

Finn felt the warm liquid trickle down his face. First the left and then the right side. Shaking his head, to clear his vision, he tried to focus on Munch. Glasses broken and a cut across his forehead, Munch was trying to stand up. His feet sliding from the steps, knees buckling. He tried crawling, but his balance was not cooperative.

"Munch, Munch!" He thought he yelled. He couldn't hear his own voice. "John." He reached out and pulled his partner into a tight hug. Munch smiled at him before passing out.

Finn checked. 'Pulse good.' he looked around to se if anyone was nearby to help. He moved so that he could lay his partner on the ground while he got help. It was a small stairwell and Munch being a tall man made for a difficult manuvour. Any other time, Finn would have found it humorous. Not now.

He took his coat off and placed it under Munch's head. Then he moved around the body. Careful not to step on his unconcious friend. Finn gently moved over the body check injuries.

'Broken leg, cut above his eye, blood coming from his ears.' He saw drops of blood on Munch's usually starch white shirt. He ripped it open and found no injuries. Putting his hand to his head, he remember about his own. He did his best to wipe the blood from his view. Taking one last look at his partner, he began to climb the stairs.

He stopped. He didn't know where to begin. People were gathering to look at the damages. Just standing there, not helping.

'Shock. They must be in shock.' He told himself. Pulling out his phone he dialed 911. 'Thank God for Otto Box.' He waited for the screen to show the call had been answered.

"This is badge number 3198. I can't hear you do to injury." He paused to take another look around. "There as been an explosion. Multiple injuries. Send several buses. Officer down." He paused again. 'Where the hell were the fed guys.' He walked to the right side of the building. What was left of it. There were bodies. He ran to the other side. The same.

"Shit!" He heard his voice faintly. "Better send Warner and her team."

"Detective we have your GPS coordinates and all are in route."

Finn looked across the street. Three little girls stood next to their mothers. Cloths blackened, hair and face. But alive.

"Thank you, God!" Finn folded his hands for the first time in a long time and prayed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23: Smile, so I can hear you.**

"Five Feds. " Cragen said looking at the report files. The New York Times, USA Today and Post sat open on the dining table. Headlines blared for the continued ability of the Federal Bomber eluding law enforcement.

"Your squad might as well move to the DC hospital." The Chief of Detective's chuckled.

"I take the injury of each one of my officers. Going forward, there will be no more sacrifice from my team."

"Not many more to sacrifice."

"Not a laughing matter, sir."

"No of course not. One PP supports you and your team. Whatever you need, let me know." The Chief said, already distracted by his secretary.

"Appreciate that Stan." The hollow tone of the line disconnecting left Cragen only to shut his eyes. "Why do we bother."

"Why do we bother what?"

"Why do we bother to even try to keep doing our jobs?" He motioned for Liz to join him at the table. "Can I get you a drink?"

"Bourbon. But the wagon tells me a diet Coke." She dropped her purse in the chair next to her. Don motioned for the waiter. "Probably should add a salad and bowl of clam chowder."

"So you want to settle in then." Don said with a smile. She soaked it in.

"That's the first real smile I have had all day."

"Its the first I have had in months." Don said.

"What can I do you for?" The waitress asked. Don gave a stunned look. Liz now smiled and took the lead.

"Miss, " She moved her head so that she could get a better look at the name of the brass name badge. Liz then reached into her purse and pulled out her own. She laid it open on the table. "Sugarman. You might want to reapproach your ordering taking. Or are you trying to get yourself arrested for solicitation?" Liz gazed at the stunned woman.

"I huh, I just wanted to know what he, you both would like to to order." Her eyes were glued to the the judge's badge.

"Relax." Cragen smiled at the stupefied woman. "She loves to show her muscle, but it is just show."

"Yeah, I just need a good..." Liz smiled. "I'll have the chowder and a caesar salad."

"No you don't." The waitress replied. She reached and pulled the menu from Liz's hands. Turning to Cregan he surrender his willingly. "I'll I have something out to you in a bit and I don't disappoint."

* * *

The septic smell of the room began to fill his nostrils. The smell of death. He remembered it from when he was a boy. Watching his father die slowly in the bedroom at the top of the stairs. His father's pain. He carries it with him. He allows the pain to surface when he is faced with the horrors of life. Dark, dank smell of death.

His fresh, starched white shirt. His armor. He keeps extras nearby in case the day is particularly cruel. His black tie noosed around his neck. It no longer felt tight. The bandage that covered his "flesh wound" scraped agains his black rimmed glasses. Another thing he and the beauty shared. Hers the glass of justice, his the imaginary shield from the world.

His leg damaged. Bird legs. Thin, long scrawny sticks that held him upright. Finn so graciously points out is physical condition or lack there of regularly. A flaw in their relationship. HE would never point out Finn's lack of intellect.

The flowers that were scattered around the room in various uplifting vases were beginning to show their age. Unlike the beauty that laid peacefully in the bed. She would remain forever young and forever beautiful. His love of watching her walk into their squad room was only over shadowed by his desire to match intellectual whits. He relished in the occasional win. It meant she would try again.

He knew he could never have her. She was out of his league and also tied to another. He found solace in that. He believed in love. The love she had was true and genuine.

* * *

'Pasty.' She tried moving her tongue to wet her mouth. 'Tube. So, I am incubated?' Assessment.' She sent triggers to her feet. 'Numb, jello.' Her arms and fingers next. 'Numb and prickly.' Her mind stats to smile. 'Pizza. I smell pizza.'

"Elliot, what did the doctor say?" Kathy wished she could cleanse her husband of the pain. His beard was full, his cloths ill fitting. He hadn't eaten in days, or at least well. There was signs of sleep. The pulled out chair with the blankets thrown violently indicated sleep was not good.

"He said she should be coming out of this. I don't understand. She should be awake. She should be talking to me right now.' Running his hand through his hair erratically tugging at it, he paced the room.

"You need sleep."

"I need her to wake up."

"She will. These things take time. They don't happen overnight. Some times..."

"I know sometimes they don't wake up." He grabbed the railings on the bed. He began to shake it. "Why won't you wake up?' He shouted.

* * *

Tearing a chunk of bread from the fresh loaf, Liz submerged it in the remnants of the dark pink vodka sauce.

"Don't want to miss a drop of that." She said taking a bit from the now soaked bread. Cregan did not answer. His plate was clean as if nothing was ever placed on it. His mind full.

"Another club soda?" The waitress asked. He shook his head no. He pulled back from the table to make room for her to take his plate. Liz, mouth still full of bread, sheepishly did the same. A quick drink of water, and she was able to speak again.

"It's going to be okay."

"Really?!" Cregan said wiping his mouth and placing his napkin where his plate had been.

"Faith, Don. Faith."

"Will faith bring back Alex's arm?" A tear welled in the corner of his right eye. Liz shook her head no. "Will it bring Olivia back?"

"Maybe." She saw the waitress approach from the corner of her eye. She waved her off. "I know how you feel. You feel like you let her down. Them down. We had nothing to do with this Don. It just happened."

"She's my daughter, Liz." Cregan let the tears fall. His resolve no longer intact. "It's a stronger bond then anything biological."

"I know Don." She reached for his hand. "I have the same connection with Alex. They are fighters. They have been through more hell then anyone we know. And they are still fighting." She gave his hand another squeeze. "Lets get back to the hospital. See where we are." She pulled her wallet from her bag. She took out two hundred dollar bills and laid them on the table. She stood and waited for Cregan. He stood and extended his arm. She smiled and took it.

"Thank you." They said in unison as they walked past the waitress. She smiled politely. She motioned to the bus boy who stood just to the left of the door. He moved and opened the door for the couple. Once out, he locked the door behind them.

"been awhile since I closed a place down." Liz said with a smile.

Cragen looked at his watch. "At nine on a friday night. A bit unusual won't you say?"

"Food was good." She turned to look back at the restaurant. "But we were the only ones there.'" She saw the waitress move behind the counter. She had taken off her apron and was moving quickly towards the kitchen.

The couple walked briskly towards the corner. As if rehearsed they turned left and rested against the wall of the adjacent building.

"Justice Department."

"This is Captain Donald Cregan of the NYPD badge number." He rubbed his hand over his bald head trying to calm himself. "I have a possible sighting of the bomber,"


End file.
